Saturday, December 6, 2014

12.06.2014

Y'all I'm emotionally all over the place right now.

This year has been very difficult for me. I didn't progress in the areas that I wanted to. And quite honestly, I didn't feel like I progressed at all until my daddy pointed out that I've made major improvements. 

Let's be honest. I wanted to be engaged by this point in my life. I wanted to be teaching and done with college. I wanted to be healthy and fit. Like, I don't even have a real social life at this point. I think that's what depresses me the most. 

See, I went from being able to be out and about a few times a week to lacking the energy to go anywhere except the doctor. Then, if it wasn't bad enough that I lacked energy, I looked in the mirror and realized how much I've aged and how much weight I've gained. That really made me not want to go anywhere. 

I've been diagnosed with a new disease this year and I feel like it's all my fault. I'm a diabetic because I messed up. I know that it's a combination of being too sick to get out of bed, steroids, diet and genetics but it still feels like my fault. 

I lost a best friend this year. Ask me how? I really don't know. Well, I do. And I don't blame myself. For once, I don't blame myself. I was a good friend. I always told her the truth. And one day, telling the truth backfired. Shrugs. Would I still tell her the truth? Yep. Because if I'm your friend then that's what I do. I knew she was distancing herself because I could feel it but I also felt like it was because we lived in two separate cities now but I knew she wasn't even trying to be my friend when she graduated and didn't invite me. Was I hurt? Yep. Will I get over it? Yep. Next! 

Eh. The stress of being pigeonholed. Y'all, my Crohns is cool. I mean, sometimes it acts up but I've been having a deep pelvic pain for a while now. Anyways, I feel like this is the area that I've made progress in. I've fought for answers because this isn't normal. My uterus shouldn't feel like it's in s boxing ring everyday. It's tired. I'm tired. I have exploratory surgery on the 17th to see what's going on. My biggest fear is that I don't be able to have kids. :( Le sigh. This is where the trusting God part kicks in. It's hard... Especially when I've had a rocky relationship with Him ever since I was "in a relationship" with Victor. 

See, I realize that Victor is human but I expected more from a man of God. I just did. Maybe I expected too much. I don't know. I just got frustrated with God after that and I didn't pick up my bible for months. I was bitter. It seemed like the Christians I knew weren't like the ones I read about. 

I was bitter because I was sick and at home. Did the Christians from church come visit? Nope. Do they visit now? Nope. But now I don't care if they visit me at home or in the hospital. It's lonely but now, I choose to cling to God for comfort and companionship. That's hard too but yeah, that's another topic for another day. 

So yeah, 2014 has been a lonely year. I've learned that I have two real besties. I've learned to give God my time and let Him control my plans. 

So career wise, I didn't make any progress. Socially, I didn't make any progress. BUT I'm making progress in terms of my health and I'm beginning to be okay with that. 

Love y'all! 

Brie🌻


Thursday, November 20, 2014

11.20.2014 Testimony Thursday

Oh I have so many to choose from but I think I'll stick with the health-related testimonies until I get through this season.  :)


I've been going to the gynecologist almost every week for about two months now.  It's tiring but we are trying to get to the bottom of why I'm so sick around the time my cycle comes on.  Yesterday, as in Wednesday, we got closer to a solution/diagnosis.  It's amazing because I have been telling him all my symptoms since January but we are JUST NOW getting to a solution.  It was like it all clicked for him.  While that could be frustrating, I am excited.  I want to know what is wrong with my body and how it can be fixed.

He also found a hernia.  Meh.  So yeah, I'll be having surgery for that very soon but isn't God great?  If I had stopped going to my gynie for treatment and questions then he would've never found the hernia and I would still be suffering.

It's small but it's my testimony.  God bless!

Thursday, November 13, 2014

11.13.2014 Testimony Thursday

Hey y'all! 

I missed last week. Sorry. :( 

This weeks testimony might seem minor to y'all but I love it. 

My daddy's birthday was this past Sunday. He turned 61. Well, anyways. Someone decided that we were going to throw him a dinner party. Originally it was supposed to be at a restaurant but he felt more comfortable with it being at the house. So, that required a lot of work and my mom and I aren't really operating at 100% but we executed it. He had an amazing time. The food was delicious and the company was wonderful. 

Anyways, I've been suffering and in so much pain with whatever disease I have that I didn't think I was going to even be able to help with the actual dinner. So on the previous Monday I called my gynecologist and requested pain medication. Well, he was out of town and his nurse seemed really hesitant to ask another doctor. Well, when she finally got another doctor to write me a prescription I found out that instead of her mailing it to me I would have to pick it up. Eh. I was in too much pain to drive. So that Friday, my daddy and his assistant went and picked up my prescription. I was too happy.  Then I realized it was an incomplete prescription. They didn't put their DEA number on it. That Saturday, the day of my daddy's party, he took my prescription to our local pharmacy and my fave pharmacist straightened it all out! Yay! 

I had just enough pain medication to get me through my father's special weekend.  

That's it. I know. Nothing major to y'all but I'm sentimental and I would've hated to have missed my daddy's dinner or not have been able to help out as much because I'm chronically ill. 

Yeah, I know I'm still sick or whatever but I don't mind relying on my Heavenly Father for everything. :)  

Thursday, October 30, 2014

10.30.2014 Testimony Thursday

Effective immediately l will be doing a Testimony Thursday every Thursday. Life has been difficult for me this year but I need to praise God in spite of my circumstances. He has brought me through so much; so whether it's a huge testimony or small testimony, I'll be sharing it. 

Testimony:

I've been struggling spiritually for several months now. I was frustrated with God because my relationship didn't work out, I'm still sick, I felt like my church family abandoned me and I didn't feel like I'm progressing in life. 

I stopped talking to God because I didn't feel as if He was listening. I couldn't attend church because of my health/energy and I didn't feel like the church people cared anyways. I was bitter and hurt. Why would God allow me to know His truth(the truth) and then leave me alone with no true fellowship? 

Anyways, let's fast forward to my birthday. I decided to have a pool party/game night and one of my sisters gave me an iTunes gift card. Well, I'm funny with gift cards and it takes me forever to use them because I always want to use them on the perfect thing. 

Fast forward again... Trip Lee's album came out this week and I decided that I would listen to it. Well, it was so good that I decided to buy it. I purchased the album and listened to his song "Sweet Victory" where he raps about his health. 

Did y'all know Trip had a chronic illness? Well, I didn't either. That's all the encouragement that I needed. I really needed to know that their are Christians out there that are openly struggling with their health. 

See what most healthy people don't understand is that it can be lonely to struggle with a chronic illness. You look to God like "why me?" And you see everyone else functioning but you can't do simple things. It's hard. But Trip rapped about the victory that we have in our God. We will make it to the finish line. We will endure until the end. God will give me just enough strength to make it through the day. God will give me the health to complete the task that He has bestowed upon me. It'll be a sweet victory. 

Thursday, September 25, 2014

09.25.2014

This is difficult y'all. 

Eliminating beef was easy. 
Eliminating alcohol was easy. 
Eliminating pork was easy. 
Eliminating dairy is hard. 

I've had pizza. I've had ranch dressing. I've had broccoli cheese casserole. I've had cheddar cheese. Y'all, I'm weak. 

How did I get so weak? Eh. 

Anyways, today got off to a VERY rough start. I had the hardest time getting to sleep. Then I had to wake up early. I woke up. But then I went back to sleep. I didn't wake up until 2:00pm. 

But... I made the best out of my day. I got ready and hit the grocery store with my momma. 

Did I mention that I forgot to eat breakfast and lunch? Eh. She kept me in that store so long that my blood sugar dropped and I didn't have my tablets so I had to eat a cookie. 

I came home and made dinner. We had a fried shrimp salad- pittsburgh style (that means we had fresh French Fries on it). I was super tired while I was cooking and pretty much had to do it all by myself. 

It's a little frustrating because I am struggling with my health and energy levels. I feel bad because my 60 year old parents work all day and if I cook dinner, they have to clean up the kitchen. I can't do both. I hate that. 

Anyways, today was overall a good day. 

Smooches dolls! 

Sunday, September 21, 2014

09.21.14

Whew y'all, this week was fairly easy. My pain has decreased. I'm no longer spotting. And I'm done with red meat. Yay Brie! 

I haven't had red meat since Monday and I'm not craving it. I was supposed to cut out dairy at the same time but that was too much for me to do. I'm taking this lifestyle change slow and I'm doing it right. I want this thing to last. 

My mother is cooking lamb for Sunday dinner but I'll be eating salmon. I've got this! I can do it. My health is more important than food. Right? I have to keep telling myself that. I have to tell myself that I'm giving up foods but gaining my life. I'm sick of being in the bed. I'm sick of being at the doctors office. I'm sick of not having energy. I'm sick of missing out on social events. I'm sick of spending all my money on medicine. I'm sick of being in the hospital. I'm sick of being sick. So I'll trade food for freedom. 

Anyways, this upcoming Monday, I'm getting rid of dairy. Now that's scary because I love dairy. But I can do this. 

This week I'll add the list of vitamins and supplements that I'm taking and the reason I'm taking them. Also, I'll add some of my health goals. 

So, to date... 

I've eliminated all traditional medicine except for my diabetes medication. 
I've added vitamins, minerals and supplements. 
I've eliminated red meat, pork and alcohol. 

Tuesday, September 16, 2014

09.16.2014

Can I be honest with y'all? I'm a little fed up. I turned 25 in August and I'm nowhere near independent. Le sigh. 

I keep saying that I'll have my degree at the end of whatever semester that I'm currently in. I keep saying that I'll eventually go vegetarian again and then go raw vegan. I keep saying that I'm going to exercise like it's my new favorite hobby. I keep saying that I'm going to be healthy and rid my body of these illnesses. I keep saying stuff... but not following through. 

I understand that I am chronically ill but I still want to have a great quality of life and not be dependent on my parents for everything. They are getting older. That's my reality. 

So, what have I decided to do? Take action. It'll be a process. A long process. 

So, what's wrong with my body? 
1. I'm 100 pounds overweight. Ouch. 
2. I hardly have any energy. 
3. I have Hidradenitis Suppurativa. (painful boils all over my body- I used to think I was a leper)
4. I have Crohn's Disease. (Everytime I eat healthy food, I get super sick) 
5. I have some gynecological issue that they can't figure out. (My mother had endometriosis but my doctors can't see anything wrong) 
6. I am a diabetic. (I'm on insulin) 

What is Brittanie-Claire going to do? 
1. Transition off of prescription medication and use vitamins, minerals & herbs. 
2. Cut out processed food. This will definitely take time. I like food. 
3. Cut out meat and dairy. I'm cutting out red meat and dairy immediately. I think I'm allergic to cows. 
4. Exercise. Every single day. No excuses. 
5. Get right with my Father. I've been slipping this year. It's been hard because I've been stuck in this season. I haven't been able to attend church. It's rough. 
6. Push. I go through a flare and I get lazy. I prioritize wrong. I feel like when I feel well I should have fun and not do work. It's depressing. 

This will all take time. I give myself a few years to get this together. I've been sick since 2006... It'll take time to become a healthy and independent person. 

Pray for me. 

Friday, September 12, 2014

09.12.2014

Wow, where has time gone? 

I've done so much but I haven't updated you all on anything. I'm still fighting for my health. I'm still working for my daddy. 

I'll start advising the girls with Women of Westlake this month. Yay! Between that, UGA and working for my father, I'll be super busy. 

I recently had a crazy health scare. My Depo Provera started wearing off and all my crazy symptoms started back up. I had excruciating abdominal/pelvic pain, blood in my stool, continuous nauseousness, and I was always tired. I spent about a week in the hospital but they still don't know what's wrong. All the tests showed that my Crohn's is in remission. So yeah... I'm still bouncing back from that and looking for a diagnosis. 

About this weight... Before my health scare, I was walking everyday with my daddy. On average we were doing two miles--- I have to get back to that. :) 

Monday, July 28, 2014

07.28.2014

Hey loves! It's been a while. A lot has gone on but I'll catch y'all up over time. 

Anyways, today was a good day. I am trying this whole lifestyle change/weight loss thing and today was Day 1. I'm excited to begin this journey because being overweight/obese/morbidly obese has been a lifelong issue and I'm fed up with it. 

Today I walked a little over a mile!!! Yay Brie!!! I ate healthy. I took my insulin like I'm supposed to. I am also trying natural remedies for my high blood sugar. Today I tried cinnamon steeped in boiling water with a little honey. It's supposed to bring your blood sugar down. 

For dinner, I cooked boneless skinless chicken thighs with orange and yellow peppers in coconut oil and had a side of garlic broccoli with it. ::i am trying::

After dinner my daddy and I walked around the neighborhood and up to Westlake High School. When I finished walking I had a low blood sugar!!!! That isn't the best thing in the world but I am happy that my blood sugar level can go down with exercise. Maybe I should walk after every meal... Hmmm that is something to think about.

I'm not quite ready to post my before stats but I promise I will one day. 

Love ya bunches, 

Brie 

Saturday, May 31, 2014

05.31.2014

Happy Birthday Danielle!!! Whoop whoop! Both of my sisters are May babies! 

I'm overwhelmed with being sick. It's so hard. I can't lie, I miss the days when my period was the worse thing. 

I had a beautiful childhood. I never wanted for anything. But ever since my 20th year, I've been suffering. I try to hold on. I try to press on. But every single time that I see relief, something bigger gets thrown at me. 

I'm weak. God is strong. I need Him. I don't know if I am fully relying on His strength though. I usually rely on my own. It sucks because I'm weak. 

I'm stronger than I thought though. I like that. I'm resilient. I'm tough. I've fought sickness. But I know I'll need God strength to continue. 

I can no longer have a "praying grandmother", even though that helps. My parents and my grandma consistently pray for my recovery, for my health, for my strength, etc. but I need to start praying that for myself. 

I've always felt wrong about desiring health. Like, what if that isn't in God's will? People have hard lives. What if mine was meant to be like this? What if God is using this as a piece of His divine plan? Who am I to request otherwise? 

My mindset is changing. I want to be a living testimony. I want people to hear about my battle with my health and see God's triumph. Honestly, I just don't want to be sick. 

Is that wrong? Is that selfish? Am I supposed to just grin and bear it? Am I supposed to suffer in silence? 

I'm not sure. I'll figure it out though. 





About that endocrinology appointment. It went well. He is testing to find out if I have Type 1 or Type 2 Diabetes. I'd prefer neither. Lol. 

He told me that I'm doing a good job. I think that meant the most to me. It's hard being sick. My social circle consists of my family and a few close friends who don't even live near me. An outing to me is going to the doctor unless Stephie decides she wants to have a dinner date with me. :) and I'm in pain most of the day and without energy. It was nice to hear I'm doing good. :) 

I try not to complain about being sick. If you only read my blog, then you probably think I complain a lot--- but I don't in real life. People ask me how I'm doing and I tell them I'm blessed, I can't complain. :) 

I have so much that I want to post about... I'll get on it this upcoming week. 

I like the term BrieYourBest... At first it was something cute that my mom said my freshman year of college but now, it gets me through. I can only be Brie's best. One moment at a time. 

I've been falling off spiritually; like really bad. I plan to regroup though. Today. This morning. Right now. It's hard though. I don't feel like I have that spiritual support system. I will be praying over that. 

Anywho, I'm off to draw something and clean (ehh). 

Talk to you later. 

Brie. 

Thursday, May 29, 2014

05.29.2014

So, I'm out of the hospital. I got out Tuesday evening. Yay Brie! 

Today was a milestone day because I got my blood sugar down to 184. :) yay Brie again! I think I called everyone... Well, everyone who would care. 

My personality amazes me sometimes because I'm a loud individual and a natural leader but I'm also very timid and a people pleaser. People don't usually realize that I'm the latter. Even in my own blog, my safe space, I don't speak my mind because I am always worried about how other people will feel. Welp, that stops today. 

I've decided that it is the right decision to cut off people who I feel like aren't ready to have a sick friend. This year has shown me that. I don't need "friends" who can only socialize with me when I'm healthy at church or school; I need friends who reach out when I'm not able to go to church, attend class or work. 

This life ain't for everybody. ((That's what I told my ex friend today. )) And it really isn't. My parents have been great examples of how to be there for a sick child. They come to the hospital everyday. Do what they have to do to make sure I have insurance. Take me to appointments. They do it all! 

I think a "friend" should at least call if you are in the hospital. That's what I'll require from now on because I know I go the extra mile for my friends. I don't need relationships that aren't equal. 

Well, I meet with the endocrinologist today. I'll post how that goes. 

Love you much, 

Brittanie-Claire

Monday, May 26, 2014

05.26.2014

Hey lovebugs! 

I hope y'all are doing better than I am. :) I'm currently in the hospital and I have been here since Wednesday, May 21st. 

I was diagnosed with Type 2 Diabetes on Tuesday, May 20th and immediately put on insulin because my fasting blood sugar was 376. That's no bueno. Well, my doctor let me go home but by Wednesday when my numbers weren't getting better, she told me to go to the ER.  They liked me so much in the ER that they decided to keep me. Lol. I thought this would be a quick fix like a shot in the thigh but it isn't. It is going to take a few months to get a normal blood sugar. Le sigh. 

I'm confident that I will get through this as well but let me vent... I will talk about diabetes and faith later. 

It is super lonely in the hospital.  My immediate family comes to visit for a few hours everyday but as far as friends... I guess I don't have them. Shrugs. Granted, I did choose a hospital that is 30-45 minutes away from the city but I didn't think I was going to be admitted and even still, does that matter? I've driven far to hang with my healthy "friends". 

It is really depressing but I have found that since I've given my life to God, I don't receive the same amount of compassion or empathy. My circle has changed to saints but looking back, sinners showed more love.  I don't know if everyone is just really busy and can't afford to take a few hours to visit the sick, I don't know if they think since I'm always sick it doesn't matter if I have company or idk what they think... 

All I know is that this hospital room is boring and lonely. My mommy made a comment and I don't think it was meant to hurt my feelings but she wanted to know where my church family was or my Christian friends and it got me to thinking... Maybe I don't have either.

Definitely not to throw shade but I thought about it and I haven't even able to attend church since late February and the one time that I did see girls from church was when I made the effort. I haven't been to church because I've been so sick and I physically can't do it; I do watch it on live stream though. ;)

Anyways, I just don't think the healthy really think too hard about the chronically ill. Would I jump to visit someone who was sick? Would I make an effort to plan a girls night at their place? I'm really trying to think of what I would do if sickness hadn't had such a big impact on my life. But the reality is that it has. I'm sick. 

It becomes discouraging when you see Christians fellowshipping with one another but you are stuck. I believe it also stunts your spiritual growth. I see other local Christians with edifying relationships and I wonder where mine are. Are they waiting for me after I get healthy? I'm not sure I'll make it to that point. I don't know how many times I have wanted to throw in the towel on Christianity since late February. I can't count how many times I just wanted to ring up an ex boyfriend or my old social circle so someone would come visit me at my house or pick me up since I can't really drive. 

In my age group, I see a lot of females either trying to be content in their singleness or working on P31 status but I don't see them feeding the poor, visiting the sick ::cough cough:: or helping the widows. like, how many date nights have you had with Jesus and you are still missing the point... 

I try not to become a bitter soul and say that when I regain my health I'm not dealing with certain churches or certain people because I don't think that is Christlike either. I'm just not sure on how to handle it. I'm fed up. I feel like I have to distance myself from a lot of people that are in my current season because they aren't here for me and simply don't value me. I can't fake the smiles anymore when certain people's lack of presence has caused tears. 

Anyways, I'm above and beyond grateful for my family because they have been an awesome support system throughout this season. :) 

Sunday, May 18, 2014

05.17.2014

I am in quite a pickle.

I need workout music. Okay, need is a strong word- I want workout music. 

I want something with beat and bass. I want something slightly ratchet but see the way my morals are set up, I can't do it. 

I have this thing where I refuse to listen to music that refers to women as "bitches" or "hoes" or anything like that. I also don't want to listen to music that has a violent theme. I don't want to know who you've had sex with, what positions or how often. I don't want to know about your babymomma or baby daddy. I don't want to know about your drug money. 

What music does that leave me with? Yeah, oldies or Christian music. But the current situation that I'm having is that I don't care for the current Christian rap. I mean, it's cool and all but I don't have enough of it to keep my workout playlist fresh. 

What to do, what to do? 

Friday, May 16, 2014

No Comfort Carbs Challenge

Hey LoveBugs! 

How are y'all doing today? I hope all is well. 

Today I start a healthy eating challenge. Let me give you a little background information before I tell you what I'm doing. 

I've been addicted to carbohydrates ever since I was a young child. I love them. Well, as I got older and got more freedom, I began to devour them. Anything from a honeybun to spaghetti and I was in food heaven. As an adult, carbohydrates became my safe food. Carbohydrates make my tummy feel 100x better when my Crohn's is acting foolish. Well, now I'm ridiculously overweight and probably a diabetic (we shall discuss this at a later date). I have to figure something out because even though carbohydrates are good for my Crohn's, they are bad for everything else. 

So, in preparation for VBS, I'm fasting from carbohydrates. I'm not saying 100% carbohydrate free but the only carbs I'm doing will be fresh fruit or light breading on my food. There will be no Captain Crunch, bread, rice, potatoes, milk, alcohol, etc. Get it? Later on today I will have watermelon for a snack but no more comfort carbs. 

I think it will be very interesting how I feel after I cut off the carbohydrates. I also know that I'll lose a lot of weight by cutting off carbs. 

Throughout these next feel weeks I will try to post what meals I'm eating and what my weight loss is looking like. Also, for my fellow Crohnies, I'll be posting on how my tummy is doing with the increase in veggies. 

For those of y'all who don't know I have some severe dietary restrictions. 

No dairy. No fatty meats. No spicy foods. No eggs. No fried foods. No fruit. No veggies. No whole grains. No sugary stuff. No fiber-rich foods. 
 
*I can eat fruit but it can't be raw. I can eat like fruit cocktail and canned peaches. I can eat select veggies but they must be boiled until practically mush. 

I really want to spend this time learning how to rely on God for my comfort instead of carbs. So I would definitely appreciate your prayers as I go through this journey. My bestie, Kristina, is going to join me on this journey. Thank God for friends. 

Coram Deo, 

Sunny

Thursday, May 15, 2014

05.15.2014

but in your hearts honor Christ the Lord as holy, always being prepared to make a defense to anyone who asks you for a reason for the hope that is in you; yet do it with gentleness and respect, (1 Peter 3:15 ESV)

I'm super excited y'all. I'll be a Vacation Bible School, henceforth VBS, teacher for 7th/8th grade girls this summer at my home church. I really prayed over this and got my sisters in Christ to pray over it as well. See, I didn't want to overcommit to anything and get sick and not be able to teach. But after praying over it, I feel at peace about. And I'm actually excited about it.  

The verse up top is the focus verse for the week and it's all about the child version of apologetics. Yay! Which kind of means that I need to brush up on why I believe what I believe! 

The topics for the week are as follows: 
Day 1: Is Jesus really God's son? 
Day 2: Was Jesus more than just a good man? 
Day 3: Was Jesus' death real? 
Day 4: Is Jesus alive? 
Day 5: What do I do with the evidence about Jesus?  

For the next few weeks I will be mediating over the verse 1 Peter 3:15. I really want to be exactly where God wants me to be before I go to VBS. I remember being that middle school girl in the students ministry at FBA. I remember the huge impact that my Sunday school teachers had on me. I want God's light to shine through me. I want God to use me for His glory. I want these girls to leave VBS ready to tell the world about Jesus. 

So, my challenge to myself is that I'll memorize this verse, research why I believe what I believe and fast from carbs until the first day of VBS. 

Pray for me! 

Sunday, May 11, 2014

05.11.2014



It is Mommy's Day!!! Yay!!!! I love my mommy! :) 

It is always a lot of activity around Mother's Day because my mommy's birthday is on the 12th of May. This year, it seems like we've spent two weekends celebrating Mother's Day because we went to the annual Mother's Day Luncheon at First Baptist Atlanta. Imagine women in big hats at a sit down lunch. We do everything with the true essence of the South in mind. 

This weekend we took my mother to get her mani/pedi at her fave spot. We all got pink! (Different shades though... Mom got bright pink. Stephie got Barbie pink. I got a coral pink.) We then celebrated my uncle's birthday yesterday at The Cheesecake Factory. The food was horrid but the company was great. I ordered the Ribeye and had to send it back. The Vanilla Bean Cheesecake was delicious though. 

Random Note: I love the part of my family that I spent yesterday with. They aren't my family through blood but through Christ. Isn't that amazing? I truly feel like I'm related to them. The woman is my mommy's prayer partner (aka bestie) and they've really just become our family. 

Well, I'm on my way to my parents church. Yay! I'll finish posting later. 

Ehhhh. Child boo, I am tired. 

After church, we stopped by the grocery store to pick up breakfast ingredients. Then my daddy cooked us all breakfast. 

I ended up taking my "after church nap" and then took my mommy to the mall. 

We ate our Mother's Day Seafood Feast and now my mommy is asleep. It was an awesome Mother's Day! 

Tomorrow I have to wake up and make my mommy's birthday just as awesome. 

Love y'all, 

Sunny 

Saturday, May 10, 2014

05.10.2014

I am just really happy right now. God has brought me so far since 2011. I remember being so sick that I couldn't leave the bathroom. I was vomiting so much that I would only bile would come up. I couldn't eat anything. My skin had a grey undertone. I was in the hospital every other week and when I wasn't there I was at the doctors office or in the bed. 

Just two months ago I was going to at least five doctors appointments per month. I was in bed the majority of the time. My joints were hurting every single moment. I was getting horrible headaches. I was on sooo much medicine. I wouldn't be able to sleep at night and would be in bed all day. The doctors were at a loss because they had tried everything. 

Now, I wake up before ten. I don't take medication. I have about five active hours per day (which is good for me). I'm slowly organizing my life. I am beginning to have enough energy to complete my schoolwork at UGA, go to church, workout, cook, clean and maybe even get a job. :)

My health is getting better. I'm excited. This has definitely been a journey and I see the progress. I've had some hard years. I've had some lonely years. I've seen everything that I worked for ripped away. I've lost people who I thought were my friends. I haven't been able to get a solid friend group because I've been sick. But God has kept me. 

I grew up very blessed. My parents got me everything that I could ever want or need. Although I loved working in high school, I never needed to work. I just worked for a few extra bucks. Now, I truly know the value of a dollar. I now know what it feels like to be broke. 

I was always chubby or overweight but RIGHT before I was diagnosed with Crohn's, I got down to my goal weight. Since being diagnosed, I've gained 80lbs. None of my old clothes fit. And I'm too broke to just buy a new wardrobe but with the money that I do have, I'm getting gym clothes and gaining a new hobby. :) 

I've always been giving. I've always been compassionate. But now, it is on a whole new level. I don't know the exact purpose of the storm that I've been in since I turned 20 but I'm excited to see how God will use it for His glory. 

I've got a long way to go. I have things to finish up at UGA. I have about 100lbs to lose. I have to start eating healthier.  I have to get my career started. 

I'm excited. I'm coming back. Brie is coming back and she is going to better than ever! 

Always seeing the bright side of things, 
Sunny 

Tuesday, May 6, 2014

05.06.2014

I am officially done purchasing Mother's Day cards! Yay Brie!!! 

I purchased a total of six cards this year. One for my mommy, one for my Grandma Gerri, one for my Grandma Betty, one for my Aunt Claire, one for my Aunt Debbie and one for my Aunt Nesi!!! Whew child, I'm glad I'm done. I spent so much time in the store trying to make sure each card expressed how much I value them and the impact that they've had on me. 

Also, I did something a little different this year... I didn't buy any of my friends Mother's Day cards. Usually, I'll pick a friend who I know won't get a card from anyone and get their kids to sign it. I just wasn't feeling it this year... Maybe next year. I just don't have any friends (true friends) who have kids but no man around. I guess that's good. :) 

Anywho, I'm so proud of me! I've been pushing myself like The Little Engine a That Could. Everyday I find myself thinking "I think I can, I think I can, I think I can..." and I've been doing it honey! I've been functioning from sunrise to sunset for FIVE DAYS NOW! Praise God! 

It all started on Thursday, May 1st 2014. I woke up that morning and seized the day. I didn't get in bed until 10:00pm. Ok, so I forget what I did that day but trust, it was amazing! I blogged about Friday. Saturday was another amazing day. I went with my mommy and sister to a Mother/Daughter Luncheon! I'll have a separate blog about that one! That brings me to Sunday!  

I woke up Sunday morning around 9:00. Honestly, I could have made it to church but I was in a mood. That's no excuse but I really wanted to get to the mall since I didn't get to go on Saturday. I NEED CLOTHES. I seriously do. I dragged my sister out of the bed and I was at the mall by 11:30am. 

Although I didn't find any shirts, I found some cute Bermuda shorts and a cheap Coach bag. 

Let me tell y'all, God worked it out for me with this Coach bag. The bag was originally $298 and reduced 50% but Macys was having their Friends & Family sale which meant I would get an extra 25% off. But, I still couldn't afford it because all of my little chips need to go to clothes. 

I ran, well I walked fast, and found Stephie to tell her about the sale of the bags. She purchased the only black one. Le sigh. Then, I called my mom and told her that they have some cute Coach bags for $119 but they only had one brown left. She told me to swipe her card and get her one. 

Well, I felt good. I made sure my mommy and sister got a bag for a great deal. But inside, I wanted one. 

I got home and told my Grandma about the purse and she asked me where mine was. I tried to brush her off and tell her I would get one next season but she wasn't having it! She told me to go back and get that bag because she was going to buy it for me. 

So, I had to find another location because Cumberland didn't have anymore. After calling around, I found two black purses with gold handiwork but they told me that Cumberland misprinted their tickets for 50%. The bags were supposed to be 25% off and then 25% off of that but the lady at Southlake honored the price and I got both (lol my mom wanted the black one as well). 

Then... My mother offered to pay for half of my bag. I love it! Y'all just don't know, I love sales and discounts. I can smell them from a mile away.     

Saturday, May 3, 2014

05.03.2014

Today was pretty awesome. We had a mother/daughter luncheon at my home church. It was amazing. The lunch was amazing. The fellowship was amazing. The message was amazing. I enjoyed the  time with my mommy and sister. I'll post more about this event at a later date. 

I'm having one of my "look at God" moments today. I'm going clothing shopping in a few hours with my mommy and sister. I AM BUYING CLOTHES. I was just blogging a few weeks ago about how I didn't have money and how I didn't have any clothes that fit. God is providing.  

Friday, May 2, 2014

05.02.2014


Yes, I loved today! Today gave me so much confirmation that I am on the right path for my career. I love students. I love education. I love molding them. 

I feel at peace when I am in a school building. I love conversing with the students and finding out their passions. I love teaching them new concepts. 

Today, I spent time at South Atlanta High with my mom to celebrate with the students their win! 



She planned a party for her students. The local Wal-Mart provided most of the food and cake. She purchased pizza, drinks, chips and other things for the kids to enjoy. She is an amazing teacher. I'll be better though. Lol. I will be better though because you are supposed to be better than your parents. 

Even though my mother technically won the award that made her schools program number one in the state, she still made her students feel like winners. Isn't that what it is all about? 

I can't wait to teach and impact the lives of the future generations. I will start praying over my future students now. Every single day! 

Love y'all

Sunny.  

  

05.02.2014

God is not man, that he should lie, or a son of man, that he should change his mind. Has he said, and will he not do it? Or has he spoken, and will he not fulfill it? (Numbers 23:19 ESV)

I adore this verse! 

Since I gave my life to God in 2011, I've made some great friends (I usually refer to them as my sisters). I've met these girls through church and bible study! They are dedicated to living for God. They are souled out. It's gorgeous. 

I cannot lie, I side eyed these some of these girls when I first met them but seeing these girls submitted to God's will is amazing. We are all different. We all hear from God differently. We are all growing. It's nice. 

A few of us have had God promise us things that haven't come to pass yet (including me). It requires a lot of faith to hold on to the promises that God has given us. The devil always tries to come and distract us or make us feel like we are crazy but that's why it is so important to stay in constant communication with our Father. 
pray without ceasing, (1 Thessalonians 5:17 ESV)

It's also important to keep in fellowship with His children. 

We need that support system! We need 

Thursday, May 1, 2014

05.01.2014

It's the 1st of the month!!! Yay, we made it! Praise God! 

May is a busy month for me but I've grown to love it! I HAVE to push myself in May! May has Mother's Day, my mommy's birthday, BOTH of my sisters' birthdays and my parents anniversary. Also, I can't forget to throw in a few graduations and select friends birthdays. 

May is a BUSY month for me but as I said that I am going to try to be more active, May is just what I need! 

Before we dive into May, let us talk about April. April came and went, honey! I looked up and it was gone like the wind! But that's cool... Here is the highlight reel. 

Stephie got a JOB! She is an Assistant Public Defender. Yessssss, love! I am proud of her but I'm also a little bummed. I don't see her as much because she is so passionate about her clients. Early mornings and late nights for her! 

My mommy won first place in the state of Georgia as a CTI Coordinator. Yep, this is the same lady who had brain surgery last summer! I know, I know, my mommy is a boss! 

My daddy is still SuperDad! She taking care of his sick daughter! I honestly cannot wait for my daddy to see me healthy and living life! He deserves to see me running things in a classroom. 


Stephie and I had a few hangout sessions this month... AMAZING! We went to some of our fave restaurants, explored Midtown and even went to the Dogwood Festival! 


My best friend: Kristina N. (down since 1996) is now a lady of Delta Sigma Theta Sorority, Inc. I'm so proud of her! Y'all, I could just cry. She is super resilient, intelligent and beautiful. She deserves it! And... to top it all off, she got into Law School. Yep, you heard me. Law school. Yes... My best friend is going to be a lawyer just like my sister. (I'm surrounded). 

Jaleesa, the Happy to my Feet, turned 25. But where was Brittanie-Claire? Sick. In bed. Ehhhhhhhhhh!!!! 25 is a big birthday and I wanted to be there. Why wasn't I there? But it's okay. I'll make up for it. I have to. Not in May though. May is already crazy. 

So what about me? Ummmm, yeah, nothing really occurred for me in April. I was sick. It's cool though because I won't be this sick forever. I stopped taking my medicine. THUG LIFE. YOLO. lol. All of that! 

Which brings me to what to expect from Sunny in May (FYI: I am Sunny). 

FITNESS: I will be busting my behind at the gym or in the family room. I got this nice little fitness calendar that I believe I can do. It won't require me to push myself with my health and energy but at the same time, it will require me to push myself physically. 


That's it for fitness. I'm not worried about a diet change yet. One thing at a time sweetie. 

CHURCH... I will be attending church. I'm sick of not being there. I'm sick of missing out. I cannot tell a lie, I go to church for the fellowship and I'm going to fellowship my little heart out! Also, I'll be at the prayer meetings on Saturday. I went last week and well, I'll just say, I'm going back!!! 

SOCIAL: 
The mother-daughter luncheon is this Saturday afternoon... I don't have a dress yet but we are going! 

My little cousin Jhaia graduates from high school on the 17th. I really want to go seeing as I missed her prom. Brain fog is a heifer! But Stephie is here to remind me of graduation. 

Speaking of Stephie, I'll be celebrating her "cocaine year" this year. Smh. That girl. Cocaine year???? Smh. Lol. She'll be 27. 

I'm going to celebrate one of my main squeeze's birthday at the end of May. Whoop whoop, Cierra will be 25! 

I'm also going to go visit Kristina sometime this month. (Prayerfully) 

Another main squeeze (Anitra:::: omghee she has the prettiest hair in the WORLD) is going to have a girls night at the end of the month and then the next day some of us are going to the GA Aquarium. 

HEALTH: I ain't got no doctors appointments this month... At least I don't think I do. Oh wait, I do. But just my new primary care physician, so it's cool. I cancelled the rest of the appointments. THUG LIFE. I'm crazy. 

Let's be serious... I'm not adding another thing to May. It ain't happening. I can't do it! So, sorry if I don't commit to you; I just don't have the time. 

But June is pretty empty. Krissy turns 25. I'm trying to plan a girls trip down to my parents house in PCB. I'm also planning a pool party for my sisters in Christ (Pinky Promise and church). 




Wednesday, April 30, 2014

04.30.2014

So... I think I need a job. 

Yikes. 

I need something organized and constructive to do during the day. School isn't an option (yet), so work it is. The longer that I don't have anything to do during the day, the worse my symptom of laziness/sickness will become. 

Sometimes, I think I can do more but I need that push. I need something that is required of me. Work will do just that. School couldn't do it. Well, my program at UGA couldn't because I was the only student and it was mostly independent study. 

I used to love to work but I haven't worked since August 2010. I think I would love working again but how do I go about doing this? 

My energy level isn't where it should be and I haven't worked in so long. Right now my energy level is at a 2. When it reaches a 5, I'm going to shout for joy! 

I want to start part time at a daycare this summer then eventually work up to my own K-12 classroom by 2016. 

But I like to give my all and then some. I think it is very important to give your all to your job, especially when children are involved. 

If May goes well (health wise) then I'll start looking for a job in June. :) 

I would prefer if it is within 15 miles of my house. Also, I would like to work with ages 3 to 4. I would like to start off as part time over the summer and then go to full time when I start graduate school.  Those are all the preferences that I can think of right now. 
 
I really need to talk to God about this some more but I'm excited about working. A few of my sisters in Christ work at daycares, so I will ask for their advice as well. 

Sometimes I see my friends living their dreams and I want to be right there with them but it motivates me. It motivates me to get healthier. It motivates me to do what I need to do to get my degree from UGA. It motivates me to go to graduate school. It motivates me to get my career started. This is my lane.  This is my journey. This is my life. I'm focused on that! 

Tuesday, April 29, 2014

04.29.2014

My uncle died two years ago. He wasn't my blood uncle but my mommy and his wife were prayer partners for as far back as I can remember. He was my Uncle George and she is my Aunt Sanjanette. Such a wonderful couple. He died from cancer. He was truly a good man. He was a Christian man. I don't worry about him like I worry about some of my high school classmates who have passed on. I know who Uncle George belongs to; we have the same Daddy. :) 

Well, when he passed away I thought that would be the first funeral that I was going to attend. I didn't go though. I am too much of a chicken. But my mother and father came back and they were touched by the service. The choir sang "Let The Church Say Amen". 

That song has stuck with me since then. It's become my favorite song. My role in life (now and for eternity) is to say "amen" to whatever God's will is. 

I've been ill since 2006 and severely ill since 2011. I've gone through pretty much all the emotions. I've been content with being sick. I've been in denial. I've been joyful about it. I've been all over the place. My prayers would be that God would take this disease away.  I would cry out to God to end this pain now and take me home to Him. I would thank God for the opportunity to use sickness as a part of my testimony. I've been all over with my prayers. 

Recently, since I've gotten off of medication, I've been at peace. My prayer has simply changed to I want whatever God's will is to be done. Oh, it is hard but I have to give everything to God. See, I've been giving God the good. If I had a good day, oh, I was spending it for God but I haven't been giving God the bad. I've tried to handle my sickness by myself (well, with the doctors help) but I never just gave my bad days to God. 

Hmmm, that's flawed. Shrugs. I'm flawed. But I am working on it. I'm working on saying "amen" to whatever God's will is. I want to be obedient to how God wants to use me in this season. 


Love, 

Brittanie-Claire

P.S. I'm very choosy with my friendships because I realize the impact that my friends and sisters in Christ will have on my children. My parents' blood siblings, line brothers/sisters, college friends, fraternity brothers/sorors, friends, colleagues and brothers/sisters in Christ have had such a monumental impact on my life, my relationship with God, and my personality. I can't afford to bring people who aren't in line with God's will into my life. These girls who are now my friends, will one day be my bridesmaids and one day be my children's aunts. I can't afford to. The future depends on it. Lol. 

Monday, April 28, 2014

04.28.2014

Ehhhh. 

Prayers are needed. 

I stopped taking my Humira because the side effects were unbearable but now I'm struggling. 

I could eat WHATEVER I wanted to eat with Humira. Okay, I couldn't eat spicy foods. Shrugs. I'm not a fan anyways. 

Now, I have to watch what I eat. No biggie. My joint pain is slowly leaving :) but my Hidradenitis Suppurativa has started to flare. :( Acid is building up again in my stomach and intestines but I have more energy. Ehhh. What to do? What to do?

Since I started taking Humira in December I haven't been drinking green juice nor green smoothies because I could eat my veggies. Tonight, I tried to have a salad and it was no bueno for my digestive tract. Le sigh. So, next week I'll take away the salad and incorporate green juices and smoothies again. 

I realize that I'm going to have to make major modifications with my diet over the next year or so and if that makes me a healthier person, then I'll do it. :) 

Today was also a little difficult because while going through withdrawal from my medications, I didn't have the best attitude with people and I realized that I will be fighting to feel better over the next year. I'll have days that I won't feel well but I'll have to pray through it (even when I don't wanna). 

Anyways y'all, I'll talk to you later. 

Love y'all, 

Brittanie-Claire

P.S. My boil just burst. TMI. I abhor Hidradenitis Suppurativa. 

04.28.2014

Stay in your lane...

Eh. Why do I have such a hard time with this? 

For a few years now I have felt like I needed to mind my own business 100%. I'm not a nosey person, nor am I a busy body but I do seem to acquire information from people and over process it. If it is something bad, I might think over it and try to offer solutions. Then, I'll think over it some more. Then, I'll worry about it. Then, I'll try to do something about it. Meanwhile, my life is going crazy and everything over here is spiraling out of control.

It's like this... I can never progress if I am focused on everyone else. Imagine a highway. You have a designated lane for yourself and other important people in your life have designated lanes. Each lane might have some debris based on what is going on in their life. If you have debris in your lane, you can't move forward. So, what does Brittanie-Claire do? She focuses on clearing out other people's lanes and now my lane looks like 285 during rush hour. I know God wants me to do something great for His kingdom but I'm so busy trying to clear out debris in other people's lane that I don't realize my lane is backed up for miles. 

I've decided to submit to that. I've decided to put on my oxygen mask first before assisting others. But in order to stay in my lane, I've got to do a few things. 

I've deleted all of my social media. I only have my blog. No more Instagram. No more Facebook. No more Twitter. I can't focus on my own life and what God wants me to do when I'm too busy looking at everyone else's life. I spend too much time browsing social media. It just isn't benefiting me right now. 

I truly believe that in due time, I'll be back on social media but for now, people can reach me the old fashioned way--- with a phone call. :) I'm also limiting my text messaging to family members only. I know that this will eliminate a lot of people in my life but God is calling me to move forward and I have to do whatever is necessary in order to obey Him. 

Love y'all, 

Brittanie-Claire 


Saturday, April 26, 2014

04.26.2014

I'm in this weird place right now. I can choose between taking medicine or not taking medicine. It's really that simple. But it isn't. 

This Humira is working to suppress my Crohns symptoms but it is also causing some pretty rough side effects that has made my quality of life a lot worse. Let's say, my Crohn's pain is at a 1 (0 being no pain and 10 being excruciating pain) but my quality of life is also at a 1 (0 being a bump on a log and 10 being "I feel like I could walk to Australia").  Instead of having Crohn's pain, I have headaches, brain fog and crazy joint pain. It's pretty much unbearable. 

Before I was on a biologic (Cimzia, Remicade and Humira), my Crohn's pain was at a 5 and my quality of life was also a 5. I like those numbers better. In my gut, I feel like I can manage the Crohn's pain holistically which would increase my quality of life BUT (oh, I hate those buts) I would eventually have to move. 

I've done the research and medical marijuana seems like my best bet. Not just medical marijuana but a healthy plant based diet and regular exercise. Here is the major problem... Medical marijuana isn't legal in Georgia and I'm not about that thug life. So, for now, I am going through the withdrawals from Humira, Lortab and Prednisone. These withdrawals can last for a while, so I'm nervous. The Prednisone and Lortab might take about a month to get out of my system but the Humira might take a year to fully get out of my system. Le sigh. 

What to do? What to do? Well, I won't be  using medical marijuana (until I move to a state where it is legal or it is legalized in Georgia) but once some of this medicine is out of my system I will be attempting to become a plant based pescatarian again and working out. Oh, and I'll be praying- a lot of praying. 

See, here is the problem... I can't eat a lot of different foods (such as fruits, veggies, fried foods, spicy foods, dairy, fatty meats, etc.) without causing inflammation- Crohn's pain.  How can I get healthy enough to move to a place where I can get medicine that doesn't cause huge side effects? 

This next year of my life is very crucial. I have to eliminate as much stress as I can, lose as much weight as I can, eat as healthy as I can, workout as much as I can and get as healthy as I can. 

This month will be very difficult for me as well because I'll be going through withdrawal. Ehhh. I hope it's quick and painless. I can dream, right? 

Oh y'all, I have some decisions to make and they aren't easy. It requires me to do a lot of hard, painful and lonely tasks. 

Pray for me! 

Love, 

Brittanie-Claire 

P.S. I'm trying my best to get healthy so I don't have to rely on marijuana or Humira. I just want to have my own classroom, have a Girl Scout troop and be involved in missions. Is that too much to ask for? 

Wednesday, April 23, 2014

04.23.2014

So I'm done with my medication. All my Crohn's medicine. Except for birth control (health purposes) and supplements like iron and vitamin D. I'm done. Yikes! Hopefully by the end of the year I will be healthy enough to be off of the birth control as well. 

Oh... And I'm done with pain medication as well. Pray! 

I feel like in order to be successful without medication I am going to have to manage the other part of my health: my weight. 

Stuff scressful, bruh! 

I started a food journal and it's kind of awesome. But I end up letting myself down because I see how I make healthy choices and then thirty minutes later I make unhealthy choices. Eh. 

I'm going to get it together. I have to get it together because my life depends on it. Did you know that my life expectancy is significantly shorter than the average persons? So, I want to enjoy what life I do have and in order to enjoy it I have be as healthy as possible. 

I also need to increase my productivity. My mind sets a super long list of things that I need to accomplish but my body (and my laziness) doesn't allow me to. And I honestly do need to complete a lot of things everyday but maybe I should do three things per day. It's better than nothing. 

I find myself frustrated because I see myself in a completely different place by December but it doesn't seem possible. I know, I know... I just blogged about this. 

Since I fell into this recent sickness, I've felt so alone. I haven't been able to attend church. I don't work. I don't go to school. So it's been me (and my immediate family). It's rather frustrating because I love being around people. I sometimes allow myself to become bitter because I feel like if I was hospitalized then people would care BUT I know that isn't the case because I've been hospitalized before and none of the saints showed up (only the sinners). Smh. Whatever. 

I've got to get a better attitude about that. I really do. It makes me not want to deal with people while I'm healthy. Like, why are you smiling in my face? Why are you saying hello? Where have you been? Don't ask me about my health now because you clearly didn't care. 

Yeah, I'll work on it. I need to work on how I feel about people and friendship in general. I don't feel like I have a best friend. Like, someone who I can do everything with. Like, someone who would pick me with no hesitation to go on a cruise they won. (And of course, I would do the same). I thought I had a friend like that but yeah, time and distance tells everything. I have best friends who have other best friends but not just my best friend. Does that make sense? 

Maybe I will create a list of things that I'm looking for in my friends. Loyalty would be a big one. Maybe I'm just pmsing and sill feel differently next week.


Anyways, 

Talk to you later, 

Brie 


Sunday, April 20, 2014

04.20.2014

I kept looking at the weather app on my phone to check and see if it would be warm and sunny on Easter. It said the high would be in the 70s. I was super excited BUT it was raining. The current temperature was in the low 60s, it was cloudy and a consistent flow of water poured out from the skies. I looked over to my mommy and said "I don't see how it's going to be sunny tomorrow, all I see is rain." 

Well saints, and sinners alike, Easter Sunday had beautiful weather. I couldn't see it on Saturday though. I was too consumed with my present circumstances. Even though the weather channel said that it was going to be sunny, I didn't believe it. All I saw was rain and clouds. 

How many of us do that when it comes to our lives? God will whisper a promise into our soul and we are too busy looking at our current trial to believe Him. Even though we know that God is the root of honesty, even though we know that God can never lie, even though we know that God has pulled us and our brothers and sisters through trials before, we look at our current circumstances and become defeated. 

I've seen God heal people. He has brought my mother back from her death bed (twice). He has even healed me. I complain sometimes (mostly in my head or on my blog) about my health but God has had me this whole time. 

I lost something super important to me when I was diagnosed with Crohn's disease. My whole world was flipped. I became super depressed because I was too sick to fight for what and who I wanted. Hindsight 20/20 I thank God for bringing me away from those people and those situations. It still hurts sometimes but I trust God. 

It's amazing how God can work. He has saved me from a horrible cancer before I even knew it existed.  At the time, I had been diagnosed with Crohn's for less than six months but since my Crohn's was refractory, my doctor decided that I needed surgery. My mommy was against it. Her reasoning was that the doctors say once you have surgery for Crohn's, you'll have to have more than one. Anyways, that surgery allowed my doctor to find a carcinoid tumor that was sitting on my lymph nodes. The Crohn's wasn't even that bad. Thankfully, my doctor removed the tumor before it spread. He told us that if we would have waited any longer then I would have been facing a terminal case of cancer. Can we say, look at God? 

I lost a lot that year in 2011.  But God saved my life. I couldn't see why God would allow all of my dreams to fall apart. But because of those events, because of the stress, because of the chain reaction, because of the prayers of my loved ones and mostly because of God, I'm still alive. 

I couldn't see it in April of 2011, even though people told me it would get better.  But now, in April 2014, I look back and see how God was working it out. 

04.20.2014

Man, I've been diagnosed with Crohn's for THREE years now. These past three years have taught me so much about life, faith, friendships, health and being resilient. I've been suffering from this illness for at least eight years now but it seems like as soon as I got diagnosed, my health seriously declined. 

Random Rant #1

I went shopping with my mommy today. I looked high and low for clothes that were modest, trendy and plus size. FAIL. It became super depressing because I've gained so much weight since being diagnosed. I'm at my largest. Le sigh. But if that wasn't bad enough, I ran a quick errand with my dad and I told him about my clothes fail today. I told him how excited I was to be done with the steroids, Humira and all the medication because of all the weight gain they caused. He proceeded to say "That's what I told your mom." 


WAIT... So y'all were discussing my weight gain behind my back? I'm so fed up with that. I know when my jeans are too small or my top is too tight. I'm aware that I've gained weight. DUH! I know they are concerned but I couldn't help but to gain weight. I barely eat and my mom makes a comment about everything I eat. It's quite depressing. It's either she is talking about what I'm eating in reference to my Crohn's or my weight. 

Then my dad will comment about what I'm eating in reference to my Crohn's. Then my sister will make snide remarks about what I eat in reference to my Crohn's. 

EHHHHHHHHH!!! 

I'm trying over here but I gain weight because of steroids and because I'm so sick I lay around most of the day. So even though I consume less than 1000 calories on average, I don't burn more than that. Hence, the weight gain. 

Another difficult part about gaining this weight is that I've been super broke... So I don't have any clothes that fit. People look at my parents house and assume that we are balling or something. LE SIGH. First off, whatever money that The Johnson Family has belongs to Stephen and Phyllis- not me. Secondly, my parents are getting older and trying to save for retirement. Third, I don't ask my parents for anything because they pay so much for my medical expenses. Every month they pay at least $200 for my doctors appointments (that doesn't include procedures, medication, hospitalizations, etc.) 

Being sick has given me a new appreciation for some things. This past winter I was so cold because I didn't have any jeans that fit. I didn't want to go anywhere or do anything because I didn't have clothes for it. I can't imagine how children deal with this. Now, it's getting hot and I don't have any clothes that fit. 

Ehhh. I'm aware that this is temporary. I'll get healthier, get a job, enroll in graduate school and reclaim my swagger. ;) 

Don't get me wrong, every once in a while my mommy will buy me a cardigan or dress and my sister purchased me two pair of jeans BUT it's nothing like being able to look in your closet and have more than four options. And don't forget to do the wash. 

I cannot tell a lie. I get a little annoyed with people who don't work and they are healthy. I get annoyed with people who quit their jobs because it doesn't suit them anymore. I get really annoyed with people who pay for their things and look at me like "You live in that big house, you straight." 

It's taught me a lot. I don't expect handouts from people. I never have. I have just noted that I would be at the last of people's list to get one. It's made me want to give more. Well, the Christian in me wants to give more. My flesh is more so telling me to be selective with my giving. It's a constant battle. 

I've also noted that since gaining all this weight, some of y'all smaller girls are RUDE or insensitive. I've noticed people posting stuff about working out so they don't get fat. Like, why does being fat have to be repulsive to you? I've noticed people who make comments about how guys don't want someone who is overweight, or friends don't let friends get fat... Well I guess I'll just be single and friendless. -_-

My "fatty" flesh has always wanted to retaliate and comment on their looks because I can always lose weight but you'll always be ugly. (RUDE) But then I realize that these people are just ignorant. They don't understand and if I retaliate then they will probably never understand. 

I would love to eat mostly fruits and veggies but if I do, I'll end up in the hospital. I would love to workout, but I used all that energy brushing my teeth. 

Random Rant #2

I've learned so much about friends and what that word truly means. People will call you a friend but then when they don't see you around anymore because you are home sick, they don't visit. 

I used to be hard on myself because I felt like I let my friends down because I was sick and couldn't hang. But now I look at it like, they aren't my friends. Is it really that much of an inconvenience to visit someone who is sick? It isn't. It just isn't your priority. And that's ok. I'll still be there if you get sick because I know how it feels to be alone and sick. It honestly sucks. 

This year has been particularly hard for me because I was getting healthier and then I got really sick again. Overall, no one has really reached out. Even my close friends have distanced themselves. I guess when I'm healthier, I'm supposed to come around like all is well. -_- I probably will because that's just who I am but it still sucks. People become so consumed with their own lives that the chronically ill are forgotten except by their loved ones. 

I used to be worried about friendships but now I don't. If you genuinely want to be my friend, then you will. 

This past year has taught me so much. It has made me a much stronger person. It's shown me that I will have lonely seasons where I can only rely on God because man will fail everytime. It's taught me to continue being the compassionate person that I was before I was diagnosed. It's taught me that guarding my heart doesn't just necessarily mean from men but from people who don't have my best interest at heart. I've learned that I have to think I'm beautiful regardless of my weight, my hair turning gray and falling out, my skin breaking out or anything. 

I'm done ranting... for now. 



Friday, April 18, 2014

04.18.2014

Guess what y'all? 

It's Good Friday. :) 

I really don't even know what this means. That's sad, right? 

I'll be right back. I have to google this! 

Wait, wait, wait...

Why is this called Good Friday? 

Good Friday is the Friday before Easter Sunday to commemorate Jesus's death. 

Okay. I thought that's what it meant but I didn't think we would call it Good. Does that make sense?

The day after Thanksgiving is Black Friday but the day our Lord and Saviour was brutally murdered is called Good Friday. 

I guess. I mean... Jesus had to die for my salvation but dang, why do we call it Good Friday? I really don't think that Friday was a good day for Jesus. 

Anyways, I wasn't even trying to blog about that. I'm still blown about my medication being the cause of more issues. So, I have Crohn's Disease but the medicine I'm on (Humira) is causing me more issues then it is helping. 

So, I'm getting off of the medicine. But it is scary because that abdominal pain is a BEAST. Women who have had kids say that their Crohn's pain is worse than giving birth. Ehhh. But that pain isn't daily. 

So, what I'm dealing with now is limited abdominal pain (I can pretty much eat whatever) BUT I'm always very tired (I may have one hour per day when I have a little energy), my muscles ache all day long and I have horrible brain fog (which is the reason I can't get school work done). 

I wake up every late morning to early afternoon feeling like I got hit by a trick the day before. 

But this is worse than the Crohn's. It is. I can't do much. I've missed church. I haven't been able to do schoolwork. I haven't hung out with my friends. (Which is partially their fault because that's definitely a two way street). :/ I've gained weight because I've just been sitting around. 

I'm very nervous about the withdrawal effects from my medications. The end of April and the beginning of May might be very difficult for me. 

Which brings me to my next mini rant... 

I officially started my Water Aerobics class next week. I'm super anxious about that. Those old people crowd up those classes. 

Anyways, I'm going to sleep. I have a lot of things to do on this Good Friday. 

Thursday, April 17, 2014

04.17.2014

Man, I feel some type of way. 

Why? 

Well, my grandma is in the hospital. Ehhh... It bothers me. A lot. My grandma is my heart. She is also getting older. She is in her mid-80s. I know she won't live forever but it would be nice if she lived longer then me. :) I know that when she does pass away that I'll be reunited with her one day in heaven. She is an amazing woman of God. She loves God. It's evident in her everyday life. People say that we laugh alike. She says I look like her mommy. We talk on the phone everyday for at least an hour. That's a big deal for me because I don't really talk on the phone. I write her letters. She writes me letters. We talk about Jesus, the church, men ;), clothes and FOOD. We love food. We talk about daytime television, our body pains, my future plans, and how her mother probably had Crohn's Disease as well and ate baby food for the last few years of her life. Man, I love my grandma. She's my bestie. 

My Health: Ehhh. So I was getting better in December and early January and then my health took a serious dive in February. What happened? Well, the muscles around my joints started to become very sore, I became very fatigued, and I've had a major brain fog. Guess what we think caused that? My Humira! It's like dang... That's helping my Crohn's but making me a bump on a log. Since these symptoms have started up, I haven't been able to do much. I haven't been to church since mid-February. I love my church. I haven't been able to hang with my sisters in Christ like I want to. I've been home a lot. I spend too much time in my room with my dog watching Netflix because I don't have enough energy for anything else. So I'm done with Humira. I'd rather deal with Crohn's pain and be able to live life because right now my quality of life SUCKS. 

Random: 
I broke it off with Bear. He is a great guy, just not the right guy for me. That's what courtship is about, right? But seriously, he is an awesome man of God. 

Stephie got a job as a Public Defender! Whoop whoop! Praise God! I'm really proud of her but I don't get to see her that much anymore because she really gives her all to her clients. Which is great for them and bad for me. Lol. 

I got a teaching fellowship down in Augusta, GA!!! But I'm not going to take it. Le sigh. Why not? Because I don't have enough time to study for the Mathematics GACE. I'm still trying to bounce back and I'm not sure how long it will take to get this Humira out of my system. I'll apply for the fellowship again next year, I'm just super happy that I got it. :)   

I'm going to try to do a better job of keeping in touch with my friends. I've made a schedule to text all my friends. :) I know, I know. Weird, right? But sometimes I will let a lot of time pass without talking to people because I just don't feel well or I'm too busy trying using spoons to do housework. So yeah, I'm going to try my best to keep in touch with my friends. 

Monday, April 14, 2014

04.14.2014

So I had a pretty awesome weekend with my sister. :D The only thing that sucked was that I missed church (again) because I over exerted myself on Saturday at the Dogwood Festival. 

Okay, it's kind of awesome because I woke up early Saturday morning and stayed out all day long. I walked a few miles in Midtown Atlanta. I walked the whole Piedmont Park. But my body was so sore by the time I got home... I think I crawled up the stairs. Lol. 

Also, I asserted myself quite a few times. Yay Brie! 

I hate that I missed church though. Besides missing out on the teaching, I'm missing out on hanging with my sisters. The fellowship is amazing. 

Anyways, I'll be there next week. I know it. :D

So, I created a health journal. It is like a food, fitness, pain and health journey all in one.  I'm excited. Hopefully it will help me figure out what's going on with my body and how to fix it. 

Okay, so I came here to write about mu anxiety. I'm super nervous to go to the gym tomorrow for the water aerobics class but I need to go. I have to start. I'm nervous though. I feel like everyone looks at you when you walk in. Then you have to change in the locker room. And sometimes people walk around naked. Yuck! Then you get in the pool with people you don't know. And they are sometimes cliquish. Then people look in on the class. Oh well. I have to lose this weight and regain my health so I have to do this. Eeeek. 

I hope the old people in the pool are nice. 


Pray for me, 

Brie

Tuesday, April 8, 2014

04.08.2014

Recently it seems like my family has been pointing out all of my personality faults. It's been rather annoying. 

Apparently I'm too timid. 

Le sigh. Don't they think I know that?

I do get anxious a lot when I have to confront someone about something. I don't like calling doctors offices, veterinarians, professors or anything. I'm not really sure why. I guess I am scared of what they'll say. 

I guess I have to work on that but it doesn't help to force me to be aggressive or outspoken in situations. It's something that I have to work on and I'll just retreat to my little corner of the world if I am forced to be outspoken in awkward situations. 

Eh. It's like I have so much to work on at one time. I have to get healthy, I have to lose weight, I have to build up my energy levels, I have to get my degree, I have to get a job and now, I have to work on personality flaws. 

Le freaking sigh. 

Sunday, April 6, 2014

101 in 1001


the mission: Complete 101 preset tasks in a period of 1001 days.
the criteria: Tasks must be specific (i.e., no ambiguity in the wording) with a result that is either measurable or clearly defined. Tasks must also be realistic and stretching (i.e., represent some amount of work on my part).
why 1001 days?: Many people have created lists in the past – frequently simple goals such as new year’s resolutions. The key to beating procrastination is to set a deadline that is realistic. 1001 Days (about 2.75 years) is a better period of time than a year, because it allows you several seasons to complete the tasks, which is better for organizing and timing some tasks such as overseas trips or outdoor activities.
start date: Sunday, April 6, 2014
end date: January 1, 2017

  1. Attend six conferences. (1/6)
  2. Have the University of Georgia confer my degree.
  3. Write about my Crohn's journey. 
  4. Host 15 get togethers, dinner parties or girls nights. (0/15)
  5. Attend 15 festivals. (1/15)
  6. Attend 10 plays. (0/10)
  7. Get a mentor. 
  8. Be a mentor. 
  9. Give up fast food for 60 days. 
  10. Get a library card. 
  11. Create a non-profit. 
  12. Try 15 new restaurants. (2/15)
  13. Take my dog on 66 walks. (1/66)
  14. Take a relaxing bath once a week. FAIL
  15. Keep a food journal for one month. 
  16. Get my wisdom teeth removed. 
  17. Wear my hair in protective styles for twelve consecutive months with a week break between each style.
  18. Lose 50 pounds.
  19. See my sister in action at court. 
  20. Floss daily for 30 days. 
  21. Make 3 old school photo albums. 
  22. Visit 20 museums/centers. (1/20)
  23. Become a certified teacher. 
  24. Visit a waterpark. 
  25. Attend an Atlanta Hawks game. 
  26. Attend an Atlanta Falcons game. 
  27. Attend an Atlanta Braves game. 
  28. Attend an Atlanta Dream game. 
  29. Enroll in graduate school.
  30. Have 30 pain free days. [Menstrual cramps don't count.]
  31. Travel outside the country. 
  32. Attend five concerts. 
  33. I won't cut my hair for 365 days. [Trimming my ends don't count.]
  34. Visit California.
  35. Visit Texas. 
  36. Visit Disneyworld.
  37. Visit Charleston, SC. 
  38. Visit Washington D.C.
  39. Visit Philadelphia, PA.
  40. Visit my grandma in Pittsburgh, PA.  Completed 7/17/14
  41. Become an active member in both sororities that I joined in undergrad. 
  42. Create a family tree. 
  43. Create a professional website for myself. 
  44. Create a professional portfolio. 
  45. Go hiking. 
  46. Participating in a 55 days social media hiatus.
  47. Go on a picnic. 
  48. Wake up no later than 8:00am for a month straight. -_-  Weekends don't count.
  49. Participate in a 5K. 
  50. Go on a cruise. 
  51. Drink only water for 90 days. (0/90)
  52. Treat my sisters (my close friends) to a good meal at a nice restaurant. 
  53. Workout four times a week for two consecutive months. 
  54. Complete 500 hours of community service. (0/500)
  55. Eat a vegetarian diet for 30 days. (0/30)
  56. Clean eat for 30 days. (0/30)
  57. Make up my bed everyday for 30 days. (0/30)
  58. Visit my high school best friends. 
  59. Fix my credit. Ouch. 
  60. Get my own place or pay my parents rent. 
  61. Visit the circus. 
  62. Write my fave high school teachers, Sunday school teachers and college professors thank you notes. 
  63. Attend the state fair. 
  64. Attend UGA's homecoming. 
  65. Go horseback riding. 
  66. Go jet skiing. 
  67. Read 50 books. (1/50)
  68. Try five new cuisines. (0/5)
  69. Cook a complete meal for a family/friend. (Like meals on wheels)
  70. Donate 101 items. (0/101)
  71. Go fruit picking. 
  72. Go on a wine tasting tour.
  73. Join something like a club or society. 
  74. Join BSF International. 
  75. Read the whole bible TWICE. (0/2)
  76. Go on a missions trip.
  77. Witness to 33 random people about my Lord and Personal Savior, Jesus Christ. (0/33)
  78. Buy someone a bible, devotional and journal. 
  79. Teach a bible study/Sunday School class.
  80. Write a paper/blog on my views on eschatology. 
  81. Get my wrist tattoo covered or removed. 
  82. Perform 33 random acts of kindness. (0/33)
  83. Volunteer on my birthday, Thanksgiving, Christmas and Easter. 
  84. Send 33 "thinking of you" cards. (2/33)
  85. Send my parents on a vacation. They deserve it. 
  86. Take my daddy on a date. 
  87. Take my mom and sister out on a girls day.
  88. Have professional photographs taken.
  89. Volunteer with the Girl Scouts of America.
  90. Have a savings account of $3000.
  91. Send my grandmother yellow roses twice a year. (0/6)
  92. Don't spend excess money for 45 days.
  93. Go on six sister weekends.
  94. Hang out with Nawasca.
  95. Get family Christmas photos taken.
  96. Do something nice for NYE. 
  97. Master baking five things. (0/5)
  98. Blog weekly for 52 consecutive weeks. (0/52)
  99. Volunteer with Crohns & Colitis Foundation of America.
  100. Join a club with my sister.
  101. Find my passion and follow it.