I'm overwhelmed with being sick. It's so hard. I can't lie, I miss the days when my period was the worse thing.
I had a beautiful childhood. I never wanted for anything. But ever since my 20th year, I've been suffering. I try to hold on. I try to press on. But every single time that I see relief, something bigger gets thrown at me.
I'm weak. God is strong. I need Him. I don't know if I am fully relying on His strength though. I usually rely on my own. It sucks because I'm weak.
I'm stronger than I thought though. I like that. I'm resilient. I'm tough. I've fought sickness. But I know I'll need God strength to continue.
I can no longer have a "praying grandmother", even though that helps. My parents and my grandma consistently pray for my recovery, for my health, for my strength, etc. but I need to start praying that for myself.
I've always felt wrong about desiring health. Like, what if that isn't in God's will? People have hard lives. What if mine was meant to be like this? What if God is using this as a piece of His divine plan? Who am I to request otherwise?
My mindset is changing. I want to be a living testimony. I want people to hear about my battle with my health and see God's triumph. Honestly, I just don't want to be sick.
Is that wrong? Is that selfish? Am I supposed to just grin and bear it? Am I supposed to suffer in silence?
I'm not sure. I'll figure it out though.
About that endocrinology appointment. It went well. He is testing to find out if I have Type 1 or Type 2 Diabetes. I'd prefer neither. Lol.
He told me that I'm doing a good job. I think that meant the most to me. It's hard being sick. My social circle consists of my family and a few close friends who don't even live near me. An outing to me is going to the doctor unless Stephie decides she wants to have a dinner date with me. :) and I'm in pain most of the day and without energy. It was nice to hear I'm doing good. :)
I try not to complain about being sick. If you only read my blog, then you probably think I complain a lot--- but I don't in real life. People ask me how I'm doing and I tell them I'm blessed, I can't complain. :)
I have so much that I want to post about... I'll get on it this upcoming week.
I like the term BrieYourBest... At first it was something cute that my mom said my freshman year of college but now, it gets me through. I can only be Brie's best. One moment at a time.
I've been falling off spiritually; like really bad. I plan to regroup though. Today. This morning. Right now. It's hard though. I don't feel like I have that spiritual support system. I will be praying over that.
Anywho, I'm off to draw something and clean (ehh).
Talk to you later.
Brie.
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