I hope y'all are doing better than I am. :) I'm currently in the hospital and I have been here since Wednesday, May 21st.
I was diagnosed with Type 2 Diabetes on Tuesday, May 20th and immediately put on insulin because my fasting blood sugar was 376. That's no bueno. Well, my doctor let me go home but by Wednesday when my numbers weren't getting better, she told me to go to the ER. They liked me so much in the ER that they decided to keep me. Lol. I thought this would be a quick fix like a shot in the thigh but it isn't. It is going to take a few months to get a normal blood sugar. Le sigh.
I'm confident that I will get through this as well but let me vent... I will talk about diabetes and faith later.
It is super lonely in the hospital. My immediate family comes to visit for a few hours everyday but as far as friends... I guess I don't have them. Shrugs. Granted, I did choose a hospital that is 30-45 minutes away from the city but I didn't think I was going to be admitted and even still, does that matter? I've driven far to hang with my healthy "friends".
It is really depressing but I have found that since I've given my life to God, I don't receive the same amount of compassion or empathy. My circle has changed to saints but looking back, sinners showed more love. I don't know if everyone is just really busy and can't afford to take a few hours to visit the sick, I don't know if they think since I'm always sick it doesn't matter if I have company or idk what they think...
All I know is that this hospital room is boring and lonely. My mommy made a comment and I don't think it was meant to hurt my feelings but she wanted to know where my church family was or my Christian friends and it got me to thinking... Maybe I don't have either.
Definitely not to throw shade but I thought about it and I haven't even able to attend church since late February and the one time that I did see girls from church was when I made the effort. I haven't been to church because I've been so sick and I physically can't do it; I do watch it on live stream though. ;)
Anyways, I just don't think the healthy really think too hard about the chronically ill. Would I jump to visit someone who was sick? Would I make an effort to plan a girls night at their place? I'm really trying to think of what I would do if sickness hadn't had such a big impact on my life. But the reality is that it has. I'm sick.
It becomes discouraging when you see Christians fellowshipping with one another but you are stuck. I believe it also stunts your spiritual growth. I see other local Christians with edifying relationships and I wonder where mine are. Are they waiting for me after I get healthy? I'm not sure I'll make it to that point. I don't know how many times I have wanted to throw in the towel on Christianity since late February. I can't count how many times I just wanted to ring up an ex boyfriend or my old social circle so someone would come visit me at my house or pick me up since I can't really drive.
In my age group, I see a lot of females either trying to be content in their singleness or working on P31 status but I don't see them feeding the poor, visiting the sick ::cough cough:: or helping the widows. like, how many date nights have you had with Jesus and you are still missing the point...
I try not to become a bitter soul and say that when I regain my health I'm not dealing with certain churches or certain people because I don't think that is Christlike either. I'm just not sure on how to handle it. I'm fed up. I feel like I have to distance myself from a lot of people that are in my current season because they aren't here for me and simply don't value me. I can't fake the smiles anymore when certain people's lack of presence has caused tears.
Anyways, I'm above and beyond grateful for my family because they have been an awesome support system throughout this season. :)
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