04.29.2014

My uncle died two years ago. He wasn't my blood uncle but my mommy and his wife were prayer partners for as far back as I can remember. He was my Uncle George and she is my Aunt Sanjanette. Such a wonderful couple. He died from cancer. He was truly a good man. He was a Christian man. I don't worry about him like I worry about some of my high school classmates who have passed on. I know who Uncle George belongs to; we have the same Daddy. :) 

Well, when he passed away I thought that would be the first funeral that I was going to attend. I didn't go though. I am too much of a chicken. But my mother and father came back and they were touched by the service. The choir sang "Let The Church Say Amen". 

That song has stuck with me since then. It's become my favorite song. My role in life (now and for eternity) is to say "amen" to whatever God's will is. 

I've been ill since 2006 and severely ill since 2011. I've gone through pretty much all the emotions. I've been content with being sick. I've been in denial. I've been joyful about it. I've been all over the place. My prayers would be that God would take this disease away.  I would cry out to God to end this pain now and take me home to Him. I would thank God for the opportunity to use sickness as a part of my testimony. I've been all over with my prayers. 

Recently, since I've gotten off of medication, I've been at peace. My prayer has simply changed to I want whatever God's will is to be done. Oh, it is hard but I have to give everything to God. See, I've been giving God the good. If I had a good day, oh, I was spending it for God but I haven't been giving God the bad. I've tried to handle my sickness by myself (well, with the doctors help) but I never just gave my bad days to God. 

Hmmm, that's flawed. Shrugs. I'm flawed. But I am working on it. I'm working on saying "amen" to whatever God's will is. I want to be obedient to how God wants to use me in this season. 

Love, 

Brittanie-Claire

P.S. I'm very choosy with my friendships because I realize the impact that my friends and sisters in Christ will have on my children. My parents' blood siblings, line brothers/sisters, college friends, fraternity brothers/sorors, friends, colleagues and brothers/sisters in Christ have had such a monumental impact on my life, my relationship with God, and my personality. I can't afford to bring people who aren't in line with God's will into my life. These girls who are now my friends, will one day be my bridesmaids and one day be my children's aunts. I can't afford to. The future depends on it. Lol.