05.31.2014

Happy Birthday Danielle!!! Whoop whoop! Both of my sisters are May babies! 

I'm overwhelmed with being sick. It's so hard. I can't lie, I miss the days when my period was the worse thing. 

I had a beautiful childhood. I never wanted for anything. But ever since my 20th year, I've been suffering. I try to hold on. I try to press on. But every single time that I see relief, something bigger gets thrown at me. 

I'm weak. God is strong. I need Him. I don't know if I am fully relying on His strength though. I usually rely on my own. It sucks because I'm weak. 

I'm stronger than I thought though. I like that. I'm resilient. I'm tough. I've fought sickness. But I know I'll need God strength to continue. 

I can no longer have a "praying grandmother", even though that helps. My parents and my grandma consistently pray for my recovery, for my health, for my strength, etc. but I need to start praying that for myself. 

I've always felt wrong about desiring health. Like, what if that isn't in God's will? People have hard lives. What if mine was meant to be like this? What if God is using this as a piece of His divine plan? Who am I to request otherwise? 

My mindset is changing. I want to be a living testimony. I want people to hear about my battle with my health and see God's triumph. Honestly, I just don't want to be sick. 

Is that wrong? Is that selfish? Am I supposed to just grin and bear it? Am I supposed to suffer in silence? 

I'm not sure. I'll figure it out though. 

About that endocrinology appointment. It went well. He is testing to find out if I have Type 1 or Type 2 Diabetes. I'd prefer neither. Lol. 

He told me that I'm doing a good job. I think that meant the most to me. It's hard being sick. My social circle consists of my family and a few close friends who don't even live near me. An outing to me is going to the doctor unless Stephie decides she wants to have a dinner date with me. :) and I'm in pain most of the day and without energy. It was nice to hear I'm doing good. :) 

I try not to complain about being sick. If you only read my blog, then you probably think I complain a lot--- but I don't in real life. People ask me how I'm doing and I tell them I'm blessed, I can't complain. :) 

I have so much that I want to post about... I'll get on it this upcoming week. 

I like the term BrieYourBest... At first it was something cute that my mom said my freshman year of college but now, it gets me through. I can only be Brie's best. One moment at a time. 

I've been falling off spiritually; like really bad. I plan to regroup though. Today. This morning. Right now. It's hard though. I don't feel like I have that spiritual support system. I will be praying over that. 

Anywho, I'm off to draw something and clean (ehh). 

Talk to you later. 

Brie. 

05.29.2014

So, I'm out of the hospital. I got out Tuesday evening. Yay Brie! 

Today was a milestone day because I got my blood sugar down to 184. :) yay Brie again! I think I called everyone... Well, everyone who would care. 

My personality amazes me sometimes because I'm a loud individual and a natural leader but I'm also very timid and a people pleaser. People don't usually realize that I'm the latter. Even in my own blog, my safe space, I don't speak my mind because I am always worried about how other people will feel. Welp, that stops today. 

I've decided that it is the right decision to cut off people who I feel like aren't ready to have a sick friend. This year has shown me that. I don't need "friends" who can only socialize with me when I'm healthy at church or school; I need friends who reach out when I'm not able to go to church, attend class or work. 

This life ain't for everybody. ((That's what I told my ex friend today. )) And it really isn't. My parents have been great examples of how to be there for a sick child. They come to the hospital everyday. Do what they have to do to make sure I have insurance. Take me to appointments. They do it all! 

I think a "friend" should at least call if you are in the hospital. That's what I'll require from now on because I know I go the extra mile for my friends. I don't need relationships that aren't equal. 

Well, I meet with the endocrinologist today. I'll post how that goes. 

Love you much, 

Brittanie-Claire

05.26.2014

Hey lovebugs! 

I hope y'all are doing better than I am. :) I'm currently in the hospital and I have been here since Wednesday, May 21st. 

I was diagnosed with Type 2 Diabetes on Tuesday, May 20th and immediately put on insulin because my fasting blood sugar was 376. That's no bueno. Well, my doctor let me go home but by Wednesday when my numbers weren't getting better, she told me to go to the ER.  They liked me so much in the ER that they decided to keep me. Lol. I thought this would be a quick fix like a shot in the thigh but it isn't. It is going to take a few months to get a normal blood sugar. Le sigh. 

I'm confident that I will get through this as well but let me vent... I will talk about diabetes and faith later. 

It is super lonely in the hospital.  My immediate family comes to visit for a few hours everyday but as far as friends... I guess I don't have them. Shrugs. Granted, I did choose a hospital that is 30-45 minutes away from the city but I didn't think I was going to be admitted and even still, does that matter? I've driven far to hang with my healthy "friends". 

It is really depressing but I have found that since I've given my life to God, I don't receive the same amount of compassion or empathy. My circle has changed to saints but looking back, sinners showed more love.  I don't know if everyone is just really busy and can't afford to take a few hours to visit the sick, I don't know if they think since I'm always sick it doesn't matter if I have company or idk what they think... 

All I know is that this hospital room is boring and lonely. My mommy made a comment and I don't think it was meant to hurt my feelings but she wanted to know where my church family was or my Christian friends and it got me to thinking... Maybe I don't have either.

Definitely not to throw shade but I thought about it and I haven't even able to attend church since late February and the one time that I did see girls from church was when I made the effort. I haven't been to church because I've been so sick and I physically can't do it; I do watch it on live stream though. ;)

Anyways, I just don't think the healthy really think too hard about the chronically ill. Would I jump to visit someone who was sick? Would I make an effort to plan a girls night at their place? I'm really trying to think of what I would do if sickness hadn't had such a big impact on my life. But the reality is that it has. I'm sick. 

It becomes discouraging when you see Christians fellowshipping with one another but you are stuck. I believe it also stunts your spiritual growth. I see other local Christians with edifying relationships and I wonder where mine are. Are they waiting for me after I get healthy? I'm not sure I'll make it to that point. I don't know how many times I have wanted to throw in the towel on Christianity since late February. I can't count how many times I just wanted to ring up an ex boyfriend or my old social circle so someone would come visit me at my house or pick me up since I can't really drive. 

In my age group, I see a lot of females either trying to be content in their singleness or working on P31 status but I don't see them feeding the poor, visiting the sick ::cough cough:: or helping the widows. like, how many date nights have you had with Jesus and you are still missing the point... 

I try not to become a bitter soul and say that when I regain my health I'm not dealing with certain churches or certain people because I don't think that is Christlike either. I'm just not sure on how to handle it. I'm fed up. I feel like I have to distance myself from a lot of people that are in my current season because they aren't here for me and simply don't value me. I can't fake the smiles anymore when certain people's lack of presence has caused tears. 

Anyways, I'm above and beyond grateful for my family because they have been an awesome support system throughout this season. :) 

05.17.2014

I am in quite a pickle.

I need workout music. Okay, need is a strong word- I want workout music. 

I want something with beat and bass. I want something slightly ratchet but see the way my morals are set up, I can't do it. 

I have this thing where I refuse to listen to music that refers to women as "bitches" or "hoes" or anything like that. I also don't want to listen to music that has a violent theme. I don't want to know who you've had sex with, what positions or how often. I don't want to know about your babymomma or baby daddy. I don't want to know about your drug money. 

What music does that leave me with? Yeah, oldies or Christian music. But the current situation that I'm having is that I don't care for the current Christian rap. I mean, it's cool and all but I don't have enough of it to keep my workout playlist fresh. 

What to do, what to do? 

No Comfort Carbs Challenge

Hey LoveBugs! 

How are y'all doing today? I hope all is well. 

Today I start a healthy eating challenge. Let me give you a little background information before I tell you what I'm doing. 

I've been addicted to carbohydrates ever since I was a young child. I love them. Well, as I got older and got more freedom, I began to devour them. Anything from a honeybun to spaghetti and I was in food heaven. As an adult, carbohydrates became my safe food. Carbohydrates make my tummy feel 100x better when my Crohn's is acting foolish. Well, now I'm ridiculously overweight and probably a diabetic (we shall discuss this at a later date). I have to figure something out because even though carbohydrates are good for my Crohn's, they are bad for everything else. 

So, in preparation for VBS, I'm fasting from carbohydrates. I'm not saying 100% carbohydrate free but the only carbs I'm doing will be fresh fruit or light breading on my food. There will be no Captain Crunch, bread, rice, potatoes, milk, alcohol, etc. Get it? Later on today I will have watermelon for a snack but no more comfort carbs. 

I think it will be very interesting how I feel after I cut off the carbohydrates. I also know that I'll lose a lot of weight by cutting off carbs. 

Throughout these next feel weeks I will try to post what meals I'm eating and what my weight loss is looking like. Also, for my fellow Crohnies, I'll be posting on how my tummy is doing with the increase in veggies. 

For those of y'all who don't know I have some severe dietary restrictions. 

No dairy. No fatty meats. No spicy foods. No eggs. No fried foods. No fruit. No veggies. No whole grains. No sugary stuff. No fiber-rich foods. 

 

*I can eat fruit but it can't be raw. I can eat like fruit cocktail and canned peaches. I can eat select veggies but they must be boiled until practically mush. 

I really want to spend this time learning how to rely on God for my comfort instead of carbs. So I would definitely appreciate your prayers as I go through this journey. My bestie, Kristina, is going to join me on this journey. Thank God for friends. 

Coram Deo, 

Sunny

05.15.2014

but in your hearts honor Christ the Lord as holy, always being prepared to make a defense to anyone who asks you for a reason for the hope that is in you; yet do it with gentleness and respect, (1 Peter 3:15 ESV)

I'm super excited y'all. I'll be a Vacation Bible School, henceforth VBS, teacher for 7th/8th grade girls this summer at my home church. I really prayed over this and got my sisters in Christ to pray over it as well. See, I didn't want to overcommit to anything and get sick and not be able to teach. But after praying over it, I feel at peace about. And I'm actually excited about it.  

The verse up top is the focus verse for the week and it's all about the child version of apologetics. Yay! Which kind of means that I need to brush up on why I believe what I believe! 

The topics for the week are as follows: 

Day 1: Is Jesus really God's son? 

Day 2: Was Jesus more than just a good man? 

Day 3: Was Jesus' death real? 

Day 4: Is Jesus alive? 

Day 5: What do I do with the evidence about Jesus?  

For the next few weeks I will be mediating over the verse 1 Peter 3:15. I really want to be exactly where God wants me to be before I go to VBS. I remember being that middle school girl in the students ministry at FBA. I remember the huge impact that my Sunday school teachers had on me. I want God's light to shine through me. I want God to use me for His glory. I want these girls to leave VBS ready to tell the world about Jesus. 

So, my challenge to myself is that I'll memorize this verse, research why I believe what I believe and fast from carbs until the first day of VBS. 

Pray for me! 

05.11.2014

It is Mommy's Day!!! Yay!!!! I love my mommy! :) 

It is always a lot of activity around Mother's Day because my mommy's birthday is on the 12th of May. This year, it seems like we've spent two weekends celebrating Mother's Day because we went to the annual Mother's Day Luncheon at First Baptist Atlanta. Imagine women in big hats at a sit down lunch. We do everything with the true essence of the South in mind. 

This weekend we took my mother to get her mani/pedi at her fave spot. We all got pink! (Different shades though... Mom got bright pink. Stephie got Barbie pink. I got a coral pink.) We then celebrated my uncle's birthday yesterday at The Cheesecake Factory. The food was horrid but the company was great. I ordered the Ribeye and had to send it back. The Vanilla Bean Cheesecake was delicious though. 

Random Note: I love the part of my family that I spent yesterday with. They aren't my family through blood but through Christ. Isn't that amazing? I truly feel like I'm related to them. The woman is my mommy's prayer partner (aka bestie) and they've really just become our family. 

Well, I'm on my way to my parents church. Yay! I'll finish posting later. 

Ehhhh. Child boo, I am tired. 

After church, we stopped by the grocery store to pick up breakfast ingredients. Then my daddy cooked us all breakfast. 

I ended up taking my "after church nap" and then took my mommy to the mall. 

We ate our Mother's Day Seafood Feast and now my mommy is asleep. It was an awesome Mother's Day! 

Tomorrow I have to wake up and make my mommy's birthday just as awesome. 

Love y'all, 

Sunny 

05.10.2014

I am just really happy right now. God has brought me so far since 2011. I remember being so sick that I couldn't leave the bathroom. I was vomiting so much that I would only bile would come up. I couldn't eat anything. My skin had a grey undertone. I was in the hospital every other week and when I wasn't there I was at the doctors office or in the bed. 

Just two months ago I was going to at least five doctors appointments per month. I was in bed the majority of the time. My joints were hurting every single moment. I was getting horrible headaches. I was on sooo much medicine. I wouldn't be able to sleep at night and would be in bed all day. The doctors were at a loss because they had tried everything. 

Now, I wake up before ten. I don't take medication. I have about five active hours per day (which is good for me). I'm slowly organizing my life. I am beginning to have enough energy to complete my schoolwork at UGA, go to church, workout, cook, clean and maybe even get a job. :)

My health is getting better. I'm excited. This has definitely been a journey and I see the progress. I've had some hard years. I've had some lonely years. I've seen everything that I worked for ripped away. I've lost people who I thought were my friends. I haven't been able to get a solid friend group because I've been sick. But God has kept me. 

I grew up very blessed. My parents got me everything that I could ever want or need. Although I loved working in high school, I never needed to work. I just worked for a few extra bucks. Now, I truly know the value of a dollar. I now know what it feels like to be broke. 

I was always chubby or overweight but RIGHT before I was diagnosed with Crohn's, I got down to my goal weight. Since being diagnosed, I've gained 80lbs. None of my old clothes fit. And I'm too broke to just buy a new wardrobe but with the money that I do have, I'm getting gym clothes and gaining a new hobby. :) 

I've always been giving. I've always been compassionate. But now, it is on a whole new level. I don't know the exact purpose of the storm that I've been in since I turned 20 but I'm excited to see how God will use it for His glory. 

I've got a long way to go. I have things to finish up at UGA. I have about 100lbs to lose. I have to start eating healthier.  I have to get my career started. 

I'm excited. I'm coming back. Brie is coming back and she is going to better than ever! 

Always seeing the bright side of things, 

Sunny 

05.06.2014

I am officially done purchasing Mother's Day cards! Yay Brie!!! 

I purchased a total of six cards this year. One for my mommy, one for my Grandma Gerri, one for my Grandma Betty, one for my Aunt Claire, one for my Aunt Debbie and one for my Aunt Nesi!!! Whew child, I'm glad I'm done. I spent so much time in the store trying to make sure each card expressed how much I value them and the impact that they've had on me. 

Also, I did something a little different this year... I didn't buy any of my friends Mother's Day cards. Usually, I'll pick a friend who I know won't get a card from anyone and get their kids to sign it. I just wasn't feeling it this year... Maybe next year. I just don't have any friends (true friends) who have kids but no man around. I guess that's good. :) 

Anywho, I'm so proud of me! I've been pushing myself like The Little Engine a That Could. Everyday I find myself thinking "I think I can, I think I can, I think I can..." and I've been doing it honey! I've been functioning from sunrise to sunset for FIVE DAYS NOW! Praise God! 

It all started on Thursday, May 1st 2014. I woke up that morning and seized the day. I didn't get in bed until 10:00pm. Ok, so I forget what I did that day but trust, it was amazing! I blogged about Friday. Saturday was another amazing day. I went with my mommy and sister to a Mother/Daughter Luncheon! I'll have a separate blog about that one! That brings me to Sunday!  

I woke up Sunday morning around 9:00. Honestly, I could have made it to church but I was in a mood. That's no excuse but I really wanted to get to the mall since I didn't get to go on Saturday. I NEED CLOTHES. I seriously do. I dragged my sister out of the bed and I was at the mall by 11:30am. 

Although I didn't find any shirts, I found some cute Bermuda shorts and a cheap Coach bag. 

Let me tell y'all, God worked it out for me with this Coach bag. The bag was originally $298 and reduced 50% but Macys was having their Friends & Family sale which meant I would get an extra 25% off. But, I still couldn't afford it because all of my little chips need to go to clothes. 

I ran, well I walked fast, and found Stephie to tell her about the sale of the bags. She purchased the only black one. Le sigh. Then, I called my mom and told her that they have some cute Coach bags for $119 but they only had one brown left. She told me to swipe her card and get her one. 

Well, I felt good. I made sure my mommy and sister got a bag for a great deal. But inside, I wanted one. 

I got home and told my Grandma about the purse and she asked me where mine was. I tried to brush her off and tell her I would get one next season but she wasn't having it! She told me to go back and get that bag because she was going to buy it for me. 

So, I had to find another location because Cumberland didn't have anymore. After calling around, I found two black purses with gold handiwork but they told me that Cumberland misprinted their tickets for 50%. The bags were supposed to be 25% off and then 25% off of that but the lady at Southlake honored the price and I got both (lol my mom wanted the black one as well). 

Then... My mother offered to pay for half of my bag. I love it! Y'all just don't know, I love sales and discounts. I can smell them from a mile away.     

05.03.2014

Today was pretty awesome. We had a mother/daughter luncheon at my home church. It was amazing. The lunch was amazing. The fellowship was amazing. The message was amazing. I enjoyed the  time with my mommy and sister. I'll post more about this event at a later date. 

I'm having one of my "look at God" moments today. I'm going clothing shopping in a few hours with my mommy and sister. I AM BUYING CLOTHES. I was just blogging a few weeks ago about how I didn't have money and how I didn't have any clothes that fit. God is providing.  

05.02.2014

Yes, I loved today! Today gave me so much confirmation that I am on the right path for my career. I love students. I love education. I love molding them. 

I feel at peace when I am in a school building. I love conversing with the students and finding out their passions. I love teaching them new concepts. 

Today, I spent time at South Atlanta High with my mom to celebrate with the students their win! 

She planned a party for her students. The local Wal-Mart provided most of the food and cake. She purchased pizza, drinks, chips and other things for the kids to enjoy. She is an amazing teacher. I'll be better though. Lol. I will be better though because you are supposed to be better than your parents. 

Even though my mother technically won the award that made her schools program number one in the state, she still made her students feel like winners. Isn't that what it is all about? 

I can't wait to teach and impact the lives of the future generations. I will start praying over my future students now. Every single day! 

Love y'all

Sunny.  

  

05.02.2014

God is not man, that he should lie, or a son of man, that he should change his mind. Has he said, and will he not do it? Or has he spoken, and will he not fulfill it? (Numbers 23:19 ESV)

I adore this verse! 

Since I gave my life to God in 2011, I've made some great friends (I usually refer to them as my sisters). I've met these girls through church and bible study! They are dedicated to living for God. They are souled out. It's gorgeous. 

I cannot lie, I side eyed these some of these girls when I first met them but seeing these girls submitted to God's will is amazing. We are all different. We all hear from God differently. We are all growing. It's nice. 

A few of us have had God promise us things that haven't come to pass yet (including me). It requires a lot of faith to hold on to the promises that God has given us. The devil always tries to come and distract us or make us feel like we are crazy but that's why it is so important to stay in constant communication with our Father. 

pray without ceasing, (1 Thessalonians 5:17 ESV)

It's also important to keep in fellowship with His children. 

We need that support system! We need 

05.01.2014

It's the 1st of the month!!! Yay, we made it! Praise God! 

May is a busy month for me but I've grown to love it! I HAVE to push myself in May! May has Mother's Day, my mommy's birthday, BOTH of my sisters' birthdays and my parents anniversary. Also, I can't forget to throw in a few graduations and select friends birthdays. 

May is a BUSY month for me but as I said that I am going to try to be more active, May is just what I need! 

Before we dive into May, let us talk about April. April came and went, honey! I looked up and it was gone like the wind! But that's cool... Here is the highlight reel. 

Stephie got a JOB! She is an Assistant Public Defender. Yessssss, love! I am proud of her but I'm also a little bummed. I don't see her as much because she is so passionate about her clients. Early mornings and late nights for her! 

My mommy won first place in the state of Georgia as a CTI Coordinator. Yep, this is the same lady who had brain surgery last summer! I know, I know, my mommy is a boss! 

My daddy is still SuperDad! She taking care of his sick daughter! I honestly cannot wait for my daddy to see me healthy and living life! He deserves to see me running things in a classroom. 

Stephie and I had a few hangout sessions this month... AMAZING! We went to some of our fave restaurants, explored Midtown and even went to the Dogwood Festival! 

My best friend: Kristina N. (down since 1996) is now a lady of Delta Sigma Theta Sorority, Inc. I'm so proud of her! Y'all, I could just cry. She is super resilient, intelligent and beautiful. She deserves it! And... to top it all off, she got into Law School. Yep, you heard me. Law school. Yes... My best friend is going to be a lawyer just like my sister. (I'm surrounded). 

Jaleesa, the Happy to my Feet, turned 25. But where was Brittanie-Claire? Sick. In bed. Ehhhhhhhhhh!!!! 25 is a big birthday and I wanted to be there. Why wasn't I there? But it's okay. I'll make up for it. I have to. Not in May though. May is already crazy. 

So what about me? Ummmm, yeah, nothing really occurred for me in April. I was sick. It's cool though because I won't be this sick forever. I stopped taking my medicine. THUG LIFE. YOLO. lol. All of that! 

Which brings me to what to expect from Sunny in May (FYI: I am Sunny). 

FITNESS: I will be busting my behind at the gym or in the family room. I got this nice little fitness calendar that I believe I can do. It won't require me to push myself with my health and energy but at the same time, it will require me to push myself physically. 

That's it for fitness. I'm not worried about a diet change yet. One thing at a time sweetie. 

CHURCH... I will be attending church. I'm sick of not being there. I'm sick of missing out. I cannot tell a lie, I go to church for the fellowship and I'm going to fellowship my little heart out! Also, I'll be at the prayer meetings on Saturday. I went last week and well, I'll just say, I'm going back!!! 

SOCIAL: 

The mother-daughter luncheon is this Saturday afternoon... I don't have a dress yet but we are going! 

My little cousin Jhaia graduates from high school on the 17th. I really want to go seeing as I missed her prom. Brain fog is a heifer! But Stephie is here to remind me of graduation. 

Speaking of Stephie, I'll be celebrating her "cocaine year" this year. Smh. That girl. Cocaine year???? Smh. Lol. She'll be 27. 

I'm going to celebrate one of my main squeeze's birthday at the end of May. Whoop whoop, Cierra will be 25! 

I'm also going to go visit Kristina sometime this month. (Prayerfully) 

Another main squeeze (Anitra:::: omghee she has the prettiest hair in the WORLD) is going to have a girls night at the end of the month and then the next day some of us are going to the GA Aquarium. 

HEALTH: I ain't got no doctors appointments this month... At least I don't think I do. Oh wait, I do. But just my new primary care physician, so it's cool. I cancelled the rest of the appointments. THUG LIFE. I'm crazy. 

Let's be serious... I'm not adding another thing to May. It ain't happening. I can't do it! So, sorry if I don't commit to you; I just don't have the time. 

But June is pretty empty. Krissy turns 25. I'm trying to plan a girls trip down to my parents house in PCB. I'm also planning a pool party for my sisters in Christ (Pinky Promise and church).