Le Sigh.
I have been struggling.
Today was just an all over STRUGGLE!
As my sis Faithe says, "The Christian Struggle is real!"
I've been pushing myself all weekend long. Not necessarily in a bad way but when you have a chronic illness, you sometimes feel crappy after putting in less than a days work.
Don't get me wrong because I definitely enjoyed my weekend because I got to fellowship with my church sisters but I didn't get to finish hanging with them! The Women's Ministry at The Gathering Oasis was pretty much launched this weekend. We had a weekend full of events! It was awesome but my body felt the effects on Saturday evening. I pushed on until late last night when I realized that I wasn't going to be able to participate in the tree planting for today! I was sad.
See what A LOT of healthy people do not understand is that I want to fellowship with other people but sometimes my body decides that it wants to limit me to the confines of this house. It's slick depressing because people don't treat you as you are sick, they just count you as a no show. [I'm not saying that is what happened today but I am speaking of how it happens overall]
So, I woke up this morning around 8:50am and service started at 9:00am. I knew that I wouldn't make it because even if I made it there late, my body wasn't going to allow me to bend over. So what's the point of going? Immediately I was sad.
Is there a spirit of sadness? Because it felt like that overcame me all day today and every sin that I struggled with before decided to come back and haunt me!
IDK. Well, it seems like that overtook me today and I'm just now deciding to fight back. It's 10 o'clock and even as I write this I feel like "What's the point?"
I find myself looking at other people's lives and wondering why not do the same thing? Shoot, I like to party, drinking was fun, etc.
Pray for me Saints. PRAY!
I don't have much positive or Christlike things to write right now but I am okay with that. [transparency at it's finest] Even though I feel like going on a sinning spree, I know my foundation. I'm grounded in God and His love and grace. He's amazing and He has definitely kept me today because all day I felt a nudge from Him.
He wanted me to study His word, He wanted me to complete my devotional, He wanted me to pray to Him and I... I blatantly and disrespectfully ignored Him.
Whew. :(
TTYL. It's 10:16 and I need to go read the Word and pray and then take my tail to bed!
Pray For Me!
I have been struggling.
Today was just an all over STRUGGLE!
As my sis Faithe says, "The Christian Struggle is real!"
I've been pushing myself all weekend long. Not necessarily in a bad way but when you have a chronic illness, you sometimes feel crappy after putting in less than a days work.
Don't get me wrong because I definitely enjoyed my weekend because I got to fellowship with my church sisters but I didn't get to finish hanging with them! The Women's Ministry at The Gathering Oasis was pretty much launched this weekend. We had a weekend full of events! It was awesome but my body felt the effects on Saturday evening. I pushed on until late last night when I realized that I wasn't going to be able to participate in the tree planting for today! I was sad.
See what A LOT of healthy people do not understand is that I want to fellowship with other people but sometimes my body decides that it wants to limit me to the confines of this house. It's slick depressing because people don't treat you as you are sick, they just count you as a no show. [I'm not saying that is what happened today but I am speaking of how it happens overall]
So, I woke up this morning around 8:50am and service started at 9:00am. I knew that I wouldn't make it because even if I made it there late, my body wasn't going to allow me to bend over. So what's the point of going? Immediately I was sad.
Is there a spirit of sadness? Because it felt like that overcame me all day today and every sin that I struggled with before decided to come back and haunt me!
IDK. Well, it seems like that overtook me today and I'm just now deciding to fight back. It's 10 o'clock and even as I write this I feel like "What's the point?"
I find myself looking at other people's lives and wondering why not do the same thing? Shoot, I like to party, drinking was fun, etc.
Pray for me Saints. PRAY!
I don't have much positive or Christlike things to write right now but I am okay with that. [transparency at it's finest] Even though I feel like going on a sinning spree, I know my foundation. I'm grounded in God and His love and grace. He's amazing and He has definitely kept me today because all day I felt a nudge from Him.
He wanted me to study His word, He wanted me to complete my devotional, He wanted me to pray to Him and I... I blatantly and disrespectfully ignored Him.
Whew. :(
TTYL. It's 10:16 and I need to go read the Word and pray and then take my tail to bed!
Pray For Me!
Love your honesty, sis! Just know i'm praying for you! :-)
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