01.24.2014

This won't be a long post because I need to have some time with my Daddy but I have spiritually been going through it this past week. 

Like, the desire to please God is there but the flesh is so weak.  I've been slacking with my morning routine.  I'll grab my phone first, I'll wait until I have been awake for a few hours to have my first quiet time, I'm not in constant communication with God [[I'll expand on this at a later date]], I'm not paying attention to the nudges that the Holy Spirit has been giving me but today I fell.  I fell flat on my face.  I gave into sin.  LE SIGH.  Heck, last night I fell flat on my face.  So today, I've decided to not dwell on the fact that I'm an imperfect human but to focus on the fact that I have a perfect Savior.  So for the rest of today until tomorrow evening, I won't be interacting with people.  SAY WHAT???  Yeah, I'm not interacting with them.  Why? Because I'm weak right now and I need to fall on my face to my King.  I need to be in His presence and I don't need anymore distractions.  

01.21.2014

So this post is kind of simple but I feel like it is necessary.  As a girly girl, I have a go-to look.  It is really simple.  I twist my hair on one side and then I Farrah Fawcett the other side.  The make-up is really simple.  I use MAC's Big Baby Lipglass and then some mascara.  It's simple.  I love it.  I do it almost every single day that I leave the house.

                                             


I am definitely a creature of habit.  I cannot help it and I honestly love it!  If my hair isn't twisted up, if my big baby lipgloss is missing and if my Drakes [my eyebrows] aren't done, I feel super weird.

So, what does this have to do with anything?  Well, I feel like coming up with a set way that I have my morning quiet time is important as well.  It's my go to! I don't limit myself to doing just this though.  If I feel led to do more, then I do more BUT I try not to do anything else before I do this. When I'm ill or not in the mood or super busy, I still know what I need to do that morning!

What's my spiritual morning routine?

1. Praise Him! I start my morning off by thanking God for waking me.  I honestly sometimes have a "Won't He Do It" moment because I am so thankful that He woke me.  
2. Grab my Bible [it's pink], my pink journal, my pink binder, my pink pen [for underlining things that rang important to my soul that morning], and my devotional [yeah, I wish it was pink but it is brownish orange.]
• I like to keep these things close to my bed, preferably on my nightstand, that way I don't have to wander around and look for them in the morning.
3. Read Ephesians 6:10-20 [The Whole Armor of God].                                                          10 Finally, be strong in the Lord and in the strength of his might. 11 Put on the whole armor of God, that you may be able to stand against the schemes of the devil. 12 For we do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the cosmic powers over this present darkness, against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly places. 13 Therefore take up the whole armor of God, that you may be able to withstand in the evil day, and having done all, to stand firm. 14 Stand therefore, having fastened on the belt of truth, and having put on the breastplate of righteousness, 15 and, as shoes for your feet, having put on the readiness given by the gospel of peace. 16 In all circumstances take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming darts of the evil one; 17 and take the helmet of salvation, and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God, 18 praying at all times in the Spirit, with all prayer and supplication. To that end keep alert with all perseverance, making supplication for all the saints, 19 and also for me, that words may be given to me in opening my mouth boldly to proclaim the mystery of the gospel, 20 for which I am an ambassador in chains, that I may declare it boldly, as I ought to speak.
4. Read Romans 12:9-21 [Marks of the True Christian]
   9 Let love be genuine. Abhor what is evil; hold fast to what is good. 10 Love one another with brotherly affection. Outdo one another in showing honor. 11 Do not be slothful in zeal, be fervent in spirit, serve the Lord. 12 Rejoice in hope, be patient in tribulation, be constant in prayer.13 Contribute to the needs of the saints and seek to show hospitality.
   14 Bless those who persecute you; bless and do not curse them. 15 Rejoice with those who rejoice, weep with those who weep. 16 Live in harmony with one another. Do not be haughty, but associate with the lowly. Never be wise in your own sight. 17 Repay no one evil for evil, but give thought to do what is honorable in the sight of all. 18 If possible, so far as it depends on you, live peaceably with all. 19 Beloved, never avenge yourselves, but leave it to the wrath of God, for it is written,“Vengeance is mine, I will repay, says the Lord.” 20 To the contrary, “if your enemy is hungry, feed him; if he is thirsty, give him something to drink; for by so doing you will heap burning coals on his head.” 21 Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good.
5. Read a healing Scripture:  This will vary day by day because I have around 20 to 30 healing scriptures tabbed in my Bible and I usually just flip to one. I honestly suggest that whatever storm you have going on in your life, you find scriptures to battle them! And if you feel like you aren't quite in a storm, then find scriptures of peace and comfort to read daily.
6. Read my two devotionals:  Right now, I use SheReadsTruth and Jesus Calling: Enjoying Peace in His Presence.  Theses devotionals keep me. My Aunt Vickie gave me the Jesus Calling devotional for Christmas and I have absolutely fallen in love with it.  The SheReadsTruth devotional requires a lot more planning because I cannot wake up and use technology first without putting on the Whole Armor of God.  Usually, the night before, I print off the SheReadsTruth devotional from that day [so I am always a day behind].  I place the devotional in a sheet protector and then in my pink binder. So in the morning, I grab the binder and I'm ready without the distraction of technology.
7. Journal: If I feel like it.  

 I usually try to get ready with worship music. I realize that I cannot control the environment outside of my bedroom [since I stay at home with my family] or even my house, so while I am here, I try to focus on God because as soon as I step outside, I feel like I have to be ready for war. 

Then I take on my day. The days that I don't use this routine or skip it, I usually feel a spirit of sadness overtake me. [cough cough, yesterday]  I find it very important to wake up and surrender yourself to God.  It is a daily thing.  Luke 9:23 says 23 And he said to all, “If anyone would come after me, let him deny himself and take up his cross daily and follow me.  

01.20.2014

Le Sigh.

I have been struggling.

Today was just an all over STRUGGLE!

As my sis Faithe says, "The Christian Struggle is real!"

I've been pushing myself all weekend long.  Not necessarily in a bad way but when you have a chronic illness, you sometimes feel crappy after putting in less than a days work.

Don't get me wrong because I definitely enjoyed my weekend because I got to fellowship with my church sisters but I didn't get to finish hanging with them!  The Women's Ministry at The Gathering Oasis was pretty much launched this weekend.  We had a weekend full of events!  It was awesome but my body felt the effects on Saturday evening.  I pushed on until late last night when I realized that I wasn't going to be able to participate in the tree planting for today! I was sad.  

See what A LOT of healthy people do not understand is that I want to fellowship with other people but sometimes my body decides that it wants to limit me to the confines of this house.  It's slick depressing because people don't treat you as you are sick, they just count you as a no show.  [I'm not saying that is what happened today but I am speaking of how it happens overall]

So, I woke up this morning around 8:50am and service started at 9:00am.  I knew that I wouldn't make it because even if I made it there late, my body wasn't going to allow me to bend over.  So what's the point of going?  Immediately I was sad.  

Is there a spirit of sadness? Because it felt like that overcame me all day today and every sin that I struggled with before decided to come back and haunt me!

IDK.  Well, it seems like that overtook me today and I'm just now deciding to fight back.  It's 10 o'clock and even as I write this I feel like "What's the point?"

I find myself looking at other people's lives and wondering why not do the same thing?  Shoot, I like to party, drinking was fun, etc.

Pray for me Saints. PRAY!

I don't have much positive or Christlike things to write right now but I am okay with that. [transparency at it's finest]  Even though I feel like going on a sinning spree, I know my foundation.  I'm grounded in God and His love and grace.  He's amazing and He has definitely kept me today because all day I felt a nudge from Him.

He wanted me to study His word, He wanted me to complete my devotional, He wanted me to pray to Him and I... I blatantly and disrespectfully ignored Him. 

Whew.  :(

TTYL.  It's 10:16 and I need to go read the Word and pray and then take my tail to bed!

Pray For Me! 

01.17.2014

I’ve been struggling with my health for years now.  I would have to say since 2006.  But it was always brushed under the rug by others as me being lazy or dramatic.  I would suffer some of the worst abdominal pain known to man and I couldn’t function but people would assume that I just did not want to get out of bed.  Now, I have been in bed since 2011.  I have been confined to my room since 2011.  WOW.  Now, I am not saying that I do not ever get out or that I did not do anything since 2011 BUT I have not had a great quality of life since then.  I would sometimes cry out to God and ask WHY or HOW LONG am I supposed to endure this?  Some days I would get frustrated because people would not understand that I could not function.  The medicines were not working, the hospital visits were getting too expensive, I was failing classes, the doctors kept saying that I was in remission, my family was acting as if they were fed up, I was trying my best to stay positive… man, was I trying. 

I come from a pretty decent family.  I have a mom, a dad, and two sisters.  My parents have been together for 30 years.  College was expected and the bill was [pretty much] footed by my parents.  Cars were purchased for me.  I have an arsenal of clothes.  Financially, God has kept us.  But then I took on this burden and I got overwhelmed.  I am still overwhelmed.

See, I’m trying to overcome the mentality of being sick [because I am still sick and I might be sick for the rest of my life] and I thought I had no help. 

My mother had brain surgery in June of last year but she had been dealing with the issues for a few years so I did not want to burden her with my medical bills.  So now, 2014 is the year of fixing my credit.  LE SIGH. A lot of people tell me to just leave it alone and let the medical bills stay on there because these hospitals are wrong [blah, blah, blah] but see the way my integrity is set up, I can’t do that.  I have to straighten these bills out and pay what I owe.   Also, when I was a little girl she had five strokes, bacterial meningitis, was in a coma, and was blind and as soon as that was over she bounced back and raised us [wonderfully, I might add].  So, sometimes I feel as if she does not quite understand me being on an extended rest.

My father, well, I feel for him.  He has sickness surrounding him with my mother and myself and still has to provide for our family in a ROUGH economy [mind you, he has been in real estate since 2002 ::we have had some financially rough years but God has kept us::].  My mother was ill and I am still sick.  He does take me to my doctor’s appointments [he takes me most of the time because he has the flexibility in his schedule, whereas my mother does not]. 

My sister, Stephie, she is just amazingly different.  I do not know how else to put it.  She is an up and coming attorney and I do not believe that she likes the hospital at all [not even visiting].  She is a fighter though.  I will never forget the time that I was in ICU after surgery.  The charge nurse told her that per hospital policy she could not spend the night but I wanted her to spend the night [I had not seen her in a long time because she was away at law school, I was scared because it was my first time being in ICU, the charge nurse was very mean to me and I was in a lot of pain].  Well, long story short, Stephie spent the night.  She found some loophole.  She is a fighter.  But she has her own life that she has to live.

So… back to me, Brie.  I have to figure out how to make it out of bed every single day, deal with pain and work out how to deal with professors, medical personnel, fellow Christians, creditors, etc.  It is really taxing and sometimes depressing.  I always felt like I was alone doing this and I cannot lie, I do still feel alone sometimes. 

But late 2013, like December late, I had a “eureka moment.”  I’m not in this alone.  HOW RUDE OF ME TO EVEN THINK THAT.  GOD has had me throughout this whole ordeal!  HE’s had me when they diagnosed me with Crohn’s disease.  HE’s had me when none of the medicine was working and they wanted to do surgery.  HE’s had me when no one in my family wanted me to have the surgery.  HE’s had me when they found the cancerous tumor during my surgery.  HE’s had me when I realize I owe these doctors only about $6,000. HE’s had me when I’ve dealt with these professors at UGA.  HE’s had me and HE still does. 

As a little girl we had this little picture with a poem on it and the back had a wind up music box.  It was the Footprints in the Sand poem.  I used to LOVE that thing!  I would wind it up and read the poem over and over again.  Oh, that childhood innocence.    

I’m not through this storm yet and I do not know when it will be over but I find comfort in knowing that the same God that Abraham served is my God.  I find strength in knowing that the same God that delivered the Israelites from Egypt is my God.  I find peace in the same God that brought Joseph from the pit to the palace is my God.  Whew, y’all… we are blessed beyond measure. 

The following are some of my favorite verses to recall when I feel like I don’t have the strength to go on.

Psalm 46:10 “Be still, and know that I am God.  I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth!” 

A lot of people think that this verse means that God wants you to rest and take your time and be easy but I believe that this verse is God proclaiming who He is!  No matter the circumstances surrounding us, God’s will will be done.  I find comfort in knowing that if my life here on earth NEVER gets better, one day I’ll be able to be in His presence and worship Him and honestly, that’s enough. 

Psalm 28:7-8 “⁷ The LORD is my strength and my shield; in him my heart trusts, and I am helped; my heart exults, and with my song I give thanks to him.  ⁸ The LORD is the strength of his people; he is the saving refuge of his anointed.” 

Isaiah 40:30-31 “³⁰ Even youths shall faint and be weary, and young men shall fall exhausted; ³¹ but they who wait for the LORD shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings like eagles; they shall run and not be weary; the shall walk and not faint.”

Honestly though, do you know that God has you?  Do you know that God is your Provider [Jehovah-Jireh]?  Do you know that God is your Healer [Jehovah-Rapha]?  People, we have a choice to make.  We can choose to honor, obey and love a sovereign God through it all or we can weep, mope, and wallow in our current circumstances.  I’ve made my choice.  I love my ETERNAL DADDY!  I’ll choose to find comfort in HIS sovereignty!  I’ll choose joy over the despair.  HE HAS GOT ME! 

Coram Deo,

Brie J.

So you gonna be transparent or NAH?

So this WHOLE blog is supposed to be me being transparent.  FAIL.  I’m supposed to be real about my triumphs and even more so, my failures BUT I keep neglecting this blog because I feel in order for you all to understand where I’m headed you NEED to know where I am coming from.  But that requires y’all knowing my business… I’m honestly not sure how I feel about that but I’ve been reminded OVER AND OVER again that it isn’t about how I feel, it is about what is best for the Kingdom.  I think a lot of you all will benefit from hearing my deepest secrets, my failures and my life of sin because you WILL NOT be able to understand how far God has brought me if I’m not transparent about where I came from.

I really admire the Christians who are able to attach EX-fornicator, EX-liar, EX-“Insert Your Sin Here” to their profiles.  I’ll admit it, I sometimes side eye them but deep down, I’m JEALOUS.  I want y’all to know my struggles but I wasn’t raised that way.  I wasn’t raised to tell my business.  Honestly, most of y’all know that my name is Brie [y’all don’t even know my real name], you know I’m sick [or a flake], and that I went to UGA [do you know I hated it?].  Most people know me on a very superficial level.  But, hey, whose fault is that? MINE.

Recently the Holy Spirit has been nudging me [and I want to pay attention that nudge before it turns into a push] and almost every time during my quiet time I run across a person in the Bible who was transparent about their past life.  My favorite is Saul -> Paul.  I love how he is sold out for the Gospel!  BUT I don’t believe Paul’s story would be as powerful if you didn’t know about Saul. Sometimes people need to see that this new life in Christ is attainable for them and the best way for them to see that is from someone who was like them. 

I just honestly pray that over the time that I get to post on here y’all begin to see how God has worked on me and just how much He loves His kids. 

Coram Deo,

Brittanie-Claire A. Johnson

EX-manipulator 

DayOne

This is so hard.  I wish I had comforting words for myself but I don’t.  All I can say is to just do it.  I’m trying this juice/smoothie fast thing and I’ve already failed. BAHAHAHA.  It’s only day one.  How did I fail already???  Le sigh. 

Yesterday, my lovely bestie DJ went with me while I spent the WHOLE day grocery shopping and preparing for this fast.  Last night, I juiced everything I would need for the day and got excited. 

I woke up this morning and grabbed my smoothie, blended it and FAIL.  I didn’t want it.  I mean, it is delicious but I really would like a Papa John’s Cheese Pizza with extra garlic sauce.  Or… one of my friends posted this delicious deli sandwich on Instagram, that also looked tasty.

So, with all that prep work how did I fail?  I think I let my thoughts linger too long on what I couldn’t have instead of what I have right in front of me.  Also, I think I should avoid the kitchen until nighttime. The salmon wasn’t even that good.  I didn’t even heat it up.  Oh, the lack of self control.  Anyways, it is day one and I messed up.  It’s cool. ::shrugs:: I’m going to continue on this juice/smoothie fast.  Maybe I will try to just do a lot of juices that I REALLY REALLY enjoy first and then start incorporating things like turmeric and kale into my juices.  I think I'll give up some social media for a while too.  We shall see...

Smooches!

FAIL... I ate pizza but starting on 1/15/14 my whole family is doing the WHOLE30! 

So, I'm going to do a Juice Fast!

I start my juice fast next week.  I’m nervous.  The last time that I tried this I failed- miserably.  I purchased the right juicer, tons of Tupperware, mason jars with the correct lids and a variety of fruits and veggies THEN my roomies wanted to get pizza and I was done.  I lasted about two hours, maybe three. Le sigh. Epic fail.

Why a juice fast?

Well, we’ve been juicing in my house for years.  At one time the juicer was stationed on the counter right next to the deep fryer.  See the problem?  My family loves healthy food but we also love food that isn’t so good for us.  We don’t discriminate around here!  But when I got really sick in 2011 I wanted to try juice fasting to see if my Crohn’s could go into remission that way.  Well, my mommy purchased the ingredients and my daddy would juice them and clean the juicer.  What was my job? Well, my job was to make it out of the bed, travel all the way down the stairs, sit at the counter and drink.  I couldn’t do it.  The juice burned my intestines something serious.  So after a few days of adding juice to my diet, I quit. 

That same summer I watched a documentary called Fat, Sick and Nearly Dead and I was AMAZED [and to be honest, slightly jealous].  I knew that I couldn’t do a juice fast at that moment because I couldn’t even add juice to my diet without my body rejecting it but I kept that as a goal.  So, doing a juice fast for 60 days has been a goal of mine since 2011.  I really want to succeed with that. 

Since 2011, I’ve been adding green smoothies and juices to my diet on my own [without my parents overseeing it] but I still eat what I want to [well, kind of- I eat what I want to eat out of the foods that I can eat.]  And with everyone writing down how awesome their 2013 was, I realized that I spent most of mine in the bed- sick.  I cannot afford for another year to just pass me by.  So, I’m going to try to take my health into my own hands and do this holistically.  I’ll be going to acupuncture [please Saints, save it!], drinking herbal tea, working out, trying herbal remedies and adding a lot of fruits and veggies back to my diet.

Even though my Crohn’s isn’t technically in remission, my body can tolerate juicing a lot better and with the support of my family, I should be able to knock my first juice fast out!  Yay Brie!  I’m unsure of how long I will juice fast this time but I at least want to do three days and eventually build up to the 60 day juice fast.