12.14.2015

So I take my last two undergraduate exams today. It's kind of surreal. This whole college journey has been quite an experience. It's had its highs and lows. I started my college journey in August 2006- I was a senior in high school who was taking college classes at Georgia State University- and I thought because I started early that I would finish early. I didn't know... 

I didn't know that I would change my major so many times. 

I didn't know that I would get sick. 

I didn't know that I would transfer schools. 

I didn't know that I would transfer back. 

I didn't know that I would be misdiagnosed. 

I didn't know that I would run out of money. 

I didn't know that my major would be phased out. 

I didn't know.  

But, I'm so grateful to God and my parents because wherever I fell short, they had me. I'll graduate. The journey was completely different than what I expected but it's my journey. I am blessed to say that I started at The University of Georgia and that I'm finishing at The University of Georgia. Go Dawgs! 

12.4.2015

I graduate in exactly two weeks. It's kind of scary. It's not promised. I have a few assignments to complete but for the most part, I'm done. 

I started UGA in August of 2007 and I'm almost done. To God be the glory. December 18, 2015. Bachelor of Science in Education from the University of Georgia. 

Well done, Brittanie-Claire, well done! You've fought for this. You didn't quit. You came for the degree. You knocked down any barriers that got in your way (which was quite a few). You made great friends. You have some amazing memories. But the best part is that you get to move on to the next season. 

What does this next season hold? I have no idea. I have to finish getting healthy. I have to lose about 100 pounds. Yikes. I have to gain my teaching certification. 

What to do? What to do? 

Last year this time I was preparing for two surgeries. I was spending all of my time in the hospital. I was in so much pain. I never thought I'd be back at UGA to finish my degree. It's amazing how much can happen in a year. 

11.8.15 Cherokee Cattle Company

So I went here today with my family for my Dad's birthday dinner. 

Overall, the service was GREAT! We had Zach as a server and he really went above and beyond to help us. Thanks Zach, you rock! 

I ordered the French Onion soup which was DELICIOUS. Seriously, it had enough cheese, onions and it was a rich broth. Awesome. 

Second, I ordered the cheese bread. It was okay. It was cheesy enough but it seemed oily as well... on the bottom. Weird. 

Third, I ordered the Hawaiian Luau Ribeye. The flavor was so delicious. But I cried because it was mostly fat.  I'm well aware that a ribeye should have fat. I'm aware that it should be marbled. This steak had huge pockets of fat. Not okay. 

For my sides, I ordered loaded mash potatoes and a house salad. My mother ate my salad. I barely touched the mashed potatoes because they tasted bland. Meh. 

My family enjoyed our time with one another and we really enjoyed their service BUT we won't come back. It was a really far drive to have the quality of meat. 

11.2.15 - Day 2

Yep. Day 2 is coming up. I'm not ready. Lol. 

I'm really trying here but it's difficult. I talked to my bestie, Krissy, today and we've got this. We do. 

Oh, peep this. My cycle started. Like, seriously? I haven't had this curse all year and it pops up now??? Why??? 

Oh well. I'll deal with it. 

I have a lot on my plate this week... my practicum at the elementary school, a presentation on South Africa and a paper. On top of that, I'm trying to apply for insurance, financial aid and catch up on schoolwork. Then I'm doing this whole meal prep and working out thing. Oi. 

Maybe I won't do the working out this week. I'll stretch. Or something. 

Like, I know who I want to be and it is going to take work. But I've got to do it. I'll elaborate more on that as this time goes on. 

I really need to work on my relationship with God. Like, I'm failing in that area. But no more. Quite honestly, I don't know if I'm doing this because I'm scared of hell or if I want to genuinely be closer to God. Pray for me. 

I'm going to start my mornings off again with spending time with my Heavenly Father and a brief workout. I've got to get it. Anyways, night! 😘

11.1.15 - Day 1

This is it y'all. I'm changing a lot in my life. Today. It slick sucks. 

I just want to chill. I just want life to be easy. But I realize that it isn't. 

It's cool though. I've got this. I think. Meh. 

I decided to take a break from Twitter, IG and Facebook for a while. How long? I'm not sure. 

I really don't even know what I'm doing during this time. I guess I'm trying to find me. Fix me. Be me. 

I'm trying to get my health in order. I'm fed up with my digestive system. I haven't had my cycle all year. I'm getting off of pain medicine. I'm trying to graduate from UGA. I'm growing my hair out. Eh. 

Y'all pray. 

09.23.2015

I had goals for today. Major goals. School goals. But I got distracted. 

It's my fault because I can't allow these minor distractions distract me from major goals. 

So, I'm behind. Again. It's cool. I'll do better tomorrow. 

I'm beginning to realize that I allow these things to happen. But seriously, if my roomie knocks on my door ONE MORE TIME with foolishness, I'm going to pray for her. Lol. 

Dear 26: The Birthday Post

Dear 26, 

You are here. I can't stop you from coming. I cannot delay the inevitable. August 17th 2015 has rolled around and you're here. So guess what? I'll embrace you. I'm sure that 26 won't be 365 days of euphoria but I'll take it all in stride and try my best to never complain. 

See, 25 was very difficult. I battled depression. I kicked Crohn's Disease butt. I learned how to manage diabetes (the jury is still out on whether it is Type 1 or Type 2). I struggled with my Christianity. I learned how to be a caregiver. I had TWO surgeries in ONE month. I persevered. I persevered. I persevered. And now, here comes 26... 

I was nervous about you coming. I mean, I lost sleep just letting my mind wander over you. I kept telling myself that if I made it to 26 then the depression would magically go away- it hasn't. :) I thought if I make it to 26 then that epiphany of me being an adult would disappear- it hasn't. :) But, that's okay because you are here and I have a few friends who didn't get to meet you. So, I'm forever grateful that we have met. 

26, please bring some amazing memories. 26, kick 25s butt. 26, this is the year that we cling to The Lord God Almighty like our soul depends on it (because it does.) 

26, let us get out of the house more because 25 didn't. 25 was too focused on regaining her health and then when she got it, she had to fight depression, fear and laziness. 26, you are HEALTHY! 26, you are assertive. 25 was way too concerned about hurting other people's feelings so she got walked over. Remember that. 

26, I'm excited to spend these next 364 days with you. I have a few goals that would be amazing to conquer. I actually have 26 goals. 😉 

26, I don't want to complain or spend too much time thinking about the hardships and trials that 21, 22, 23, 24 and 25 brought BUT I do want to learn from them. 

26, let's find love. Not necessarily in someone else but within ourselves. (Hey, I won't complain if we find it elsewhere as well). 26, let's fight to finish the drill. 26, let's embrace ourselves. 26, let's be lit. And remember, "we weren't supposed to make it past 25, jokes on you, we still alive!" 

Love, 

Brittanie-Claire Johnson 

08.04.2015 Piss Poor Habits

I have some piss poor habits. When did I develop them and why is it so hard to break them? 

I am overwhelmed. I am frustrated. This is too much. I'm about to be 26. I thought that if I could just get past the funk and depression of 25 that everything would be okay. 

But, now I realize that these bad habits aren't going to just disappear because I turn another age. I HAVE TO WORK ON THESE THINGS. But, guess what? One of my bad habits is laziness and another, is procrastination. See the problem? 

What do I do? Where do I turn? I'm freaking overwhelmed here. 

07.16.2015 Take A Break

So, I took a break from diabetes for the past two days. I disconnected from my insulin pump and my continuous glucose monitor, I didn't take my blood sugar nor did I do multiple daily injections of insulin. 

I'm debating whether or not what I did was smart. Health wise... It's probably dumb. But it really helped me mentally. A break from all that helped me. Eh. 

As soon as the morning hits then I'll connect back up to my Dexcom (it monitors my blood sugar every five minutes and alerts me (and my dad) of my highs/lows) and my t:flex (my insulin pump). 

One thing that I do need to do next time I take a break is to still take my long acting insulin (my twice a day insulin) even if I abandon my mealtime insulin. 

07.09.2015 Type 2 Diabetes

I'm an insulin pumping Type 2 Diabetic. Yep, I typed it right. Yes, you read it right. I've got sugar, dia bee tus, diabetes. And boy, does it suck. But through having this disease I've learned A LOT... especially how to be my own advocate. 

I was diagnosed with Type 2 Diabetes on May 20th 2014 at the age of 24. I went to my new primary care doctor and pretty much avoided bringing up all of my diabetic symptoms until the very end. Honestly, i didn't even bring it up at the end- my dad did. I had no problem telling her about the Hidradenitis Suppurativa, gynecological issues or the Crohn's Disease BUT when it came time to discuss me waking up all hours of the night to pee, not being able to really see her because my vision was getting worse, drinking ten bottles of water a day or other random things, I was MUTE. My dad finally spoke up and told her that he thinks I have one more thing. 

I was embarrassed. How did I allow myself to get diabetes? I was ashamed. Like, Brie, did you really let yourself go that bad? 

But now, a little over a year later, I realize that it isn't my fault that I'm a diabetic (I'll explain in later blogs) but if I don't take care of my blood sugars now and get them under tight control then the complications that follow, will be my fault. 

So, now I'm learning all that I can about this disease. I'm learning how to manage it. I'm learning how to conquer it. I'm learning how to advocate for myself. 

This is all a process- it's my process. It's hard. I'm trying to reclaim my health. Pray for me. 

06.28.2015 Wandering Mind

My mind is just EVERYWHERE right now. I want so much from life and I can see it. But, I can't figure out the path to get there. Or maybe I'm not strong enough to make the changes to get there. 

I've got to change some things. I've got to accept that I can't change some things. That's hard. 

I want to lose this weight. I want to finish what I started at UGA. I want a husband- my lifelong companion. I want to feel appreciated. I want to be healthy. I want to have energy. I want to have a social life. I want to volunteer on Saturdays. I want to be fully confident in my relationship with God. I want to be off of pain medication (and not need it). I want to travel. 

What frustrates me is that I feel like I don't want much out of life. I have simple desires; I just want to follow my passion. I want to chase after it with all I've got. I do chase after it with all I've got but I don't have a lot. 

I don't know y'all. My mind is everywhere. 

06.20.2015 - stuck in a rut

Meh. That's my thoughts right now. Like, I feel like life is pointless. Don't get me wrong, I'm grateful for it BUT I just keep doing the same old thing. 

I want to move on to the next season. I'm ready to move on. I'm healthy enough to move on. 

I'm stuck in a rut. I'll be the first to admit it. I feel like... Wait. I'm passionate about education. I feel so at home in the classroom. So, that's what I'm trying to do... teach. But I have a hurdle: UGA. They won't let me be great. 

I'm finally healthy enough to go back to school and finish up BUT my major is gone. So, I'm FOUR classes away from graduating and they are pretty much telling me that it "sucks to suck". 

I can't accept that. I won't accept that. Education is my passion and I'm going to pursue it wholeheartedly. These professors act like it's going to take something away from them for me to earn my degree. 

Anyways, I keep talking to God about it. I keep praying for favor. I keep waiting on an answer. Ever feel like God isn't listening? No? Just me? Oh. Ok. (But that's another post.) 

My goal is to be back in school by August and graduate in December. I'm FINALLY healthy enough to do it!!!! Turn up. So I'll fight for what I want. I'm learning to assert myself. Watch out world because Brittanie-Claire is coming for you! 

Where have I been?

Hey Y'all!

Where have I been?  Dealing with life!

So much has been going on yet I still feel very stagnant.  I abhor that feeling.

Healthwise, I've been fighting.  Diabetes is a lot to deal with but I feel like I am getting closer to knowing how to manage it.  As of May 21st 2015 (a year and a day after my initial diagnosis), I was diagnosed as a Type 1 Diabetic.  Eh.  That's a little frustrating because for a year my bloodwork has been leaning towards the diagnosis of Type 1 but because of my weight, family history and insulin resistance, I was diagnosed as a Type 2 Diabetic.

So, guess what?  I get an Insulin Pump!  Yay!  I've been wanting one since last summer.  I was always led to believe that in order to get an Insulin Pump you had to undergo an invasive procedure but during my Diabetes Education course I was told the TRUTH! The truth is that it is like an IV.  I'll have to insert a needle into myself every few days instead of 10 times per day!--- Yay!

I'll be posting a lot about my Insulin Pump and my journey with it.

What else is new?

Oh, my hair is purple again!  I dyed my hair purple in order to support Crohn's and Colitis Awareness Month [which was in May].  It was a great speaking point to raise awareness for this dreadful disease.  Although I have not had any recent hospitalizations from Crohn's Disease, I have had a few bad days... But, my good days outweigh my bad days.  So... Yay! 

04.13.2015

I want my parents to see me healthy. I talked to my mom today and she seemed so disappointed. She wondered how she missed for so long that I was sick. 

That right there made me so upset. Not at her but at myself. I want to be healthy, I really do. Maybe I'm not doing EVERYTHING possible to be healthy enough but I'm trying. 

I get overwhelmed though but I've got to push through this to get my health. I'm working on tapering myself off of narcotics, losing weight, managing my diabetes and finding a medication to keep me in remission with Crohn's Disease. 

Man mom. I've let you down. You had big dreams for me and I can't even get healthy enough to work or finish college.  I'm so sorry. 

02.02.2015

Psalm 37:4English Standard Version (ESV)

4 Delight yourself in the Lord,
    and he will give you the desires of your heart.

I want to live abroad.  I genuinely do.  I have wanted to live abroad since I was in first grade.  I did not really understand exactly what it meant to live abroad.  I did not comprehend that I would be leaving my family and friends a world away.  But it was 1996... so yeah... no Skype and I definitely wouldn't be able to call home everyday.

Anyways, living abroad has been a deep desire of mine since that time.  I did a research project in Ms. Liken's first grade class on Australia and ever since then I wanted to get close to those koalas and kangaroos; surfing was an upside too.

Lord willing, I will live abroad one day... maybe I will be able to teach abroad as well.  That is a part of the reason that I fight so hard for my health.  I have huge desires.  I want to see the world, especially the biblical areas because I believe that it will give me a better understanding of God.  I read the Bible and sometimes I don't understand the metaphors because I am so stuck in a western mindset... Like, shepherds? Huh?  lol.

Originally, I wanted to live abroad because I thought it was cool but now, I want to see the world that my Father created.  I want to pray in Israel.  I want to worship in Mozambique.  I want to see the waves crashing on the coast of Australia.  I want to climb mountains... wait, I don't want to climb mountains.  [I'll take some bomb photos of one though]  I want to spread the love of Christ everywhere that I go.  For now, I'll do that locally... whether it be the grocery store or the doctor's office [those are like the only two places that I go] but eventually, I will spread it worldwide.  Why else would God allow me to have this desire my whole life?

01.26.2015: Four Weeks Post Op

Hey lovebugs! Guess what? It's been FOUR weeks since my myomectomy. Yay Brie! 

It's been a tough road but I have an amazing support system. 

On December 17th while two of my fave doctors were performing an exploratory surgery on me, they found fibroids. Well, for financial/insurance reasons, I wanted to have the surgery before the new year. My gynecologist, Dr. Taylor, made that happen and I had the surgery on December 29th. I heard the surgery went wonderfully but let me tell you, when I woke up... I was in pain. 

This pain was so severe it made my Crohns pain feel like nothing. I operate on a whole new pain scale now. lol. 

Recovery in the hospital was difficult because the nurses were pretty incompetent. My mother had to bathe me, fix my hair (thank God I got it braided a week before), help me sit up, help me to the restroom, EVERYTHING!!! 

I spent my NYE there and my sister came to visit. She even brought me pizza. We spent midnight on FaceTime with my parents and my dog. Lol. It was epic. 

Anyways, recovery has been a little difficult. My binder has really been beneficial and so has pain medicine. I also think of I didn't have a tummy, then this would be easier. So ladies, if you are going to have a myomectomy with a bikini cut then lose a few pounds first... Trust me on this! 

Also, request a binder and use it! Walk as soon as you can. Ask for pain medicine as needed. ::What I did was tell the nurse that I was about to walk the halls and please have my IV pain medicine ready for me when I returned:: 

Once you are discharged, do what you can when you can. And rest. The resting part was really hard for me. Like, lay in bed for four weeks? It was depressing. It still is. 

Since the surgery I've felt no tightness in my uterus. I still have horrible cycles but the fibroids didn't cause that. I still have rectal bleeding. I still have pain in my uterus. 

So, all of my ailments aren't gone BUT I'm on my way. I'm learning that I need to keep my pain under control in order to keep my blood sugars in check. I just had a little scare and was in the hospital this past Thursday to Sunday. That was a mess but a different topic for a different day. 

Anyways, I'm at week four and my uterus pain is a lot better. My incision looks wonderful but it is still sore and causing pain. Overall, I'm happy that I had the surgery. 

01.14.2015

Hey Y'all!

How have y'all been?  It's been over a month but trust, I have my reasons for being so busy [or not so busy].

I was hospitalized in late November for about a week.  It was a very frustrating hospital visit because they kept saying that my Crohn's Disease was acting up [and it wasn't]; my uterus was hurting... not my intestines.  They didn't listen to me... until my gynecologist [whom I had been seeing weekly for pelvic pain and abnormal bleeding] showed up to my hospital room. They couldn't figure it out so they scheduled surgery for December 17th. My gynecologist thought that I might have endometriosis [like my mother].

Anyways, they did the surgery and they didn't find any endometriosis.  That was frustrating.  BUT they did find a lot of adhesions and a lot of fibroids.  Yay!  Answers! They removed a lot of the adhesions on the 17th but I had to schedule a separate surgery to remove the fibroids because it couldn't be done laproscopically. So, I had a second surgery on the 29th.  Boy, was that a hard surgery.  I'm still recovering.

That's all I really feel like writing for now but yeah, you get the point.