I'm Hungry Rant...

Man, it’s moments like this that I get so discouraged.  For those of y’all who know me, y’all know I have Crohn’s Disease--- I’m always in some type of discomfort but for the past 24 hours I have been in PAIN.  I haven’t been able to eat.  I mean I can eat but I am too scared of what might happen if I do eat.  And then if I do eat and I’m in more pain my mother will have something to say.  That’s the moment that I usually get pissed and start breaking commandments [like “Honor your father and mother…”].  See my Crohn’s has always been different.  It doesn’t matter WHAT I EAT or IF I EAT, if the pain is coming, it’s coming. But my mother and grandmother have talked to a few people with the illness and read up on it, so I can’t tell them anything.  It’s quite frustrating!  STOP TELLING ME THAT SALLY WITH CROHN’S CAN’T EAT FRIED FOOD, GLUTEN, DAIRY AND MEAT because that has nothing to do with mine.  The crazy thing about this illness is that each case is so different.  It makes me anxious when people analyze the food that I’m eating in relation to Crohn’s Disease.  It frustrates me.  I know my trigger foods and I don’t touch them.  -------- I’m hungry.  It’s time to go eat and deal with the social consequences later. 

Let's Embrace Each Other

[[Funny thing... This blog had a completely different beginning but I had to delete it because it had nothing to do with where this blog ended up.]] So I'll just start here...

I adore my home church.  We have our issues; just like every single other church in America, but overall First Baptist Church Atlanta [FBA] is seriously awesome!  I was raised in that church.  I was baptized at that church. I went to beach camp with that church.  Lol.  Amazing times!  I learned about God at that church.  I’ve been attending that church for 20 years.  [woooow… 20 years] 

Anyways, upon returning home from college I decided that I wanted to find my own church.  Why? IDK.  FBA is an awesome church but it has been hard to get plugged in because it is 40 minutes away [and when I’m not feeling well, I don’t feel like driving 5 minutes, let alone 40 minutes].  The biggest problem is that I live on the “black side of town” and all the churches are “black churches.”

Now, don’t get me wrong.  I identify as a black woman.  I don’t have a complex regarding skin color.  But black churches operate a little differently than the white churches. [I know, I’m generalizing A LOT here.]

For instance, at FBA we sing two – MAXIMUM three – songs such as Great is Thy Faithfulness, How Great Thou Art, I’ll Fly Away [that’s my jam], etc. We don’t really use drums, we clap sometimes, we have a full orchestra…  Also, FBA is a mega church… So that might have a lot to do with it.  But I grew up there and it will always have a special place in my little ol’ heart.

In comparison, the “black churches” that I’I've been to operate a lot differently.  [And that’s okay… I’m just not used to it.]  So sometimes it brings out my anxiety problems.  For instance, we don’t shout at my church.  If someone at my church is shouting, you should RUN! But “black churches” have a whole swag about them.  I feel underdressed—like WAY underdressed.  I don’t know the songs—or the claps to go with them.  I don’t understand why I have to stand as a visitor—I’ll never come back.  I don’t understand the whole Pastor says a phrase then the church says a phrase.  [The most Dr. Stanley does is say, “If you listening, say ‘Amen.’” And in unison we say, “Amen.” ]  It is two distinct experiences and nothing is wrong with it… 

Here is where my problem lies…

Just because I grew up at a church that was different than yours doesn't mean that you shouldn't embrace me as your sister in Christ.  Since I got saved in 2011 and really started interacting with the body of Christ in 2012, I’ve mostly encountered black Christians [And I’m cool with that… I really don’t care what color you are] but the shade that gets thrown because I don’t understand your church practices and lingo is REAL.

Examples:

-------------- I've been called a “New Testament Christian”… -_- Seriously?  Really?  How st---- nevermind.  You get the point.  I was called that because I don’t celebrate the feasts or something from the Old Testament, I believe that I don’t have to go through all the laws in Leviticus and I believe that Jesus’ blood covers all my sins… [looks left, looks right, shrugs.]  According to the inerrant Word of God, Christians weren't even called Christians until Acts 11:26. So BYE FELICIA!

·        --------------Just today, I was talking to some of my brothers in Christ on Twitter and they were discussing Watch Night Service.  My church hasn't had a Watch Night Service.  I didn't even know exactly what occurred at one until my Twitter family educated me BUT upon doing more research on what a Watch Night Service was I was intrigued.  I’m not going to type it all out but it had to do with slaves awaiting emancipation together at a church on 12/31/1862because the Emancipation Proclamation was to be enacted on 1/1/1863.  But the other problem that I had with Black Christian Twitter was that subtweet shade was thrown because I didn’t know what a testimonial was. [looks left, looks right, shrugs.] Look past my skin color and realize that I didn’t have the same upbringing.  How am I supposed to know what that is?  I tell people all the time what God has done for me—not in church—so I’m not ashamed, my home church doesn't participate in that [at least not in the sanctuary.]

·        --------------Praise and Worship… The year 2013 was the first time I ever heard of “real worshiper”…   PAUSE. Pause. pause.  So, who decides who a “real worshiper” is?  They said, “I need all my real worshipers to the floor right now!”  WAIIIIIIIIIIIT… So, I’m not a “real worshiper” because I’m not on the floor, I’m not running around and I’m not screaming to a song that I’m supposed to be singing along to.  Clearly, it’s levels to this. -_-

I said all of that to say…

Christians, when you encounter people who are younger in their faith or from a different upbringing than you try to interact with them and don’t treat them like they aren’t a “good Christian” because they don’t know your lingo or practices.  Embrace each other.  Love on each other.  Build each other up in their walk.  One of my favorite passages from Acts [since I’m a New Testament Christian -_-] is Acts 8:26-40.  That passage is entitled “Philip and the Ethiopian Eunuch.”  I suggest you check out the WHOLE passage for yourself but my favorite part is Acts 8:30-31 “³⁰ So Philip ran to him and heard him reading Isaiah the prophet and asked, “Do you understand what you are reading?” ³¹ And he said, “How can I, unless someone guides me?” And he invited Philip to come up and sit with him.””

I’m not sure if you believe in predestination or what but I know a lot of people get turned away from God and use the body of Christ as their reasoning.  They say we are too judgmental and to a certain extent we are.  I believe that a sin is a sin and in calling a spade a spade but let’s not make people feel some type of way because they don’t completely understand what this walk with God is about yet.  Let’s reach out to the different denominations, the strippers, the thugs, the college educated, etc.  Let’s save the “judgment” [holding a fellow Christian accountable] for an actual sin.

Ten Things I'm Grateful For... Week One

12/22/13 - 12/29/13

1 Thessalonians 5:16-18

English Standard Version (ESV)

16 Rejoice always, 17 pray without ceasing, 18 give thanks in all circumstances; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you.

Well, this isn't my technical week one but it is the first week that I will be publishing them!  These are not in order because I'm picking random things from different days of the week.

1. Being able to study Your [God's] word...
• Do you realize how awesome it is that in America we can openly study God's word?  Like, I don't have to hide my Bible.  I can order one online, I can walk into the grocery store and purchase one, I can find one in my library or I can go to a Christian bookstore.  I think of some people in the world who either cannot read His word because their government won't allow it or they simply don't have the resources to get it.  Man... I don't believe that we, as Americans, will always have the right to study God's word.  It's already controversial to agree with it 100%.  
2. The Acts of the Apostles...
•  This book has been wrecking me.  I love it.  God has been nudging me to read the book for a few months now but I just listened.  Le sigh.  I have found so many things in that book that relate to my present day life.  It covers from how the body of Christ should operate together [[Acts 2:42-47]]  to lovingly correcting other Christians [[Acts 8:30-31]]  to how Christian leaders should react to being idolized [[Acts 10:25-26 & Acts 14:11-18]].  Anyways... Just check it out.  lol
3. Receiving my Humira...
• If y'all are unaware- I some chronic illnesses with the most debilitating to date being Crohn's Disease. It's been a battle trying to get this disease under control and Humira is kind of the Last Stop Shop.  I really don't know what I'll do if this medicine doesn't work.  So yeah... I got it and my mother gave me the four injections [[I think she enjoyed it a little too much.]]  I take two more injections in two weeks.  And after that I take an injection twice a month or every other week [whichever way your mind works].  In two months I will know whether or not it works. 
4. You[God] sent Your Son[Jesus] for little ol' me...
• I have nothing to say and then I have too much to say about this one.  Like, do you realize how precious you are to Your Father?  He sent His Son to die for you because He knew that you couldn't reach Him on your own.  He died for me so I live for Him. 
5. Progress...
• Sometimes I get really sad because I'm still sick.  If you would have told me in high school that I would've gotten sick in college and stayed sick, I would not have believed you.  I would have laughed.  I had completely different plans for my life.  Completely different.  But since I was diagnosed with Crohn's Disease in April 2011, I have made some progress.  I have less visits to the ER, less procedures, less stays in the hospital, etc.  I'm not sure if I'm learning how to deal with disease but day by day it gets easier.
6. My parents...
• My mommy [her smile]: For those who don't know my mom has battled with sickness as well.  My dad's best friend made a point to him that "Phyl has been sick most of the time you all have been together."  Thinking back, that is really true.  My mother had endometriosis, had 5 strokes, had bacterial meningitis, was blind, was in a coma, and just recently had brain surgery.  The amazing thing about my mother is that you wouldn't know these things unless we told you.  God healed her years ago with those five strokes.  Don't ask me much about it because I've blocked that time period of my life off.  I don't remember a thing. She is the main reason that I know my God is a healer.  She's told me and He has shown me through her. ----- But she is a teacher.  A great teacher.  The type of teacher that I can only PRAY I will be one day.  She loves her students.  Her students love and respect her.  She wants the best for her students.  She doesn't want them to just pass through the system and graduate without a skill set.  She's a BOSS teacher.  She does all of this while being sick.  She is amazing and I don't tell her enough.  
• My daddy [his hustle/work ethic]:  What's that song??  "I'm riding around and I'm getting it..."  BAHAHAHA.  That describes my daddy.  He hustles, he works hard, he provides.  I know he has it hard right now.  He is trying to prepare for their retirement in an economy that could care less about Baby Boomers.  [yes, my parents are baby boomers]  He takes me to ALL of my doctor's appointments, he juices for me when I am too weak [[all the time]], he takes my dog outside and keeps her fed, he paid for ALLLLLLLL those years of college... I really want my health to be less of a burden to my parents.  My daddy is a godly man.  He is a deacon and a bible study leader and he LIVES like someone with those titles should.  
7. Yesterday, Today and Tomorrow...
• I know that this one seems simple but how many days do we go without thanking God for them.  Even though yesterday was hard, God gave me that day.  Like, wow... A few people I know didn't make it.  And the large majority of them didn't know God.  :( 
8. My intelligence...
• Not to toot my own horn but TOOT TOOT.  lol.  I'm smart. God blessed me with that.  I'm thankful for that.  For me the hard part of being really intelligent is that my body has betrayed me.  My mind has all these ideas and I can't do anything with them.  I write them down.  I pray over them.  I meditate on them.  BECAUSE when I am healthy, it's a wrap.  My grind will be real.  It's also frustrating because my GPA doesn't reflect my intelligence.  I've been too sick to make good grades.  UGA wasn't made with sick students in mind.  Seriously, it wasn't.  
9. My health...
• I know that it seems random but I have to thank God for the health that I do have.  I lay around a lot, I'm in pain a lot, I can't function as much as other people BUT I'm not as bad off as I could be.  The cancerous tumor was found in time.  I don't have diarrhea with my Crohns. [lol it's true] I'm not in as much pain as I was in during 2011. 
10. Stephie...
• Stephie is my sister.  My older sister.  I'm the baby.  :)  If anyone know the two of us, y'all know we are night and day.  She is so... I don't know how to describe it.  She has the BADDEST suits and wears them well.  I hate suits- I prefer an A-line dress and cardigan.  She speaks her mind [wherever and whenever].  I worry too much about social etiquette and if I should say something.  If she can't find a way in, she will make a way.  I'll look for the door and if I can't find it, I give up. She's my sissy.  She is protective.  She is loving.  She is giving [to me].  We are different but I wouldn't change it.  I kind of like it.  :)