04282016

So, I've been slacking or I've been super hard on myself. Maybe both. 

I have more good days than I do bad days... Way more good days. 

I have a natural, God-given talent, the resources and a support system. My health has been somewhat holding me back but in the more recent times, it's been a lot better as well. 

I want to start my career as an educator this upcoming school year. I also plan on launching my business and non profit this year. 

Eeek... I'm also a Sunday School teacher now. I co-teach 9th grade girls. Yay Brie! 

04102016

God is faithful. Very faithful. 

Depression is real. 

I've been fighting it for years but it was in remission for a while.

Then it turned seasonal. Winter became very hard. 

After I graduated, I thought things would get better BUT I'm still battling. 

I know that I need to see a therapist or seek counseling or something BUT I'm so depressed on the dates that I make the appointments, so I end up skipping them. 

That's not good. 

I need help. Not help seeking help BUT I'm overwhelmed and I still need care myself. 

It gets frustrating and a little discouraging because I have to help take care of my mommy. I love her and consider it an honor to do so, but I am on the tail end of my recovery and could still use help myself. But, I am kind of on my own when it comes to my health. 

I just need help. I'm trying to figure out how to get to my different doctor's appointments and procedures. My dad used to take me but now, he is busy taking my mommy. 

Eh. What to do? What to do? 

I pray. God will help me to endure. 

It's like I can I do most things but I just need help still. I move slow. Like, I would like to go grocery shopping but I can't drive and shop and put the food away and then help my mom. 

You see? 

Well, on the bright side, I get my hair braided on Tuesday and that'll help me with saving energy. And today I purchased another Buffy Body Butter Bar from Lush Cosmetics. That's a Godsend right there because that way I don't have to put on lotion after my shower. Lol. I will explain more another day. 

04092016

Keep a servant's heart...

Today was a little difficult for me.

Depression comes and goes in waves.

I feel alone.

I know that I'm not.

It is tiring being my mother's "part time" caregiver but still feeling like I need care myself.

04082016

Today was kind of difficult but God is good. 

I have to keep that in mind. The mission. To praise God. To honor Him. 

I started stretching about a week ago and recently my body has been hurting so much. The stretches aren't even that intense- practically baby stretches- but my body isn't used to it. So, most of my joints are inflamed now. But I'm going to keep stretching. And keep trying to better myself. Because I need to take care of this temple to do my Father's work. 

So yeah, today was difficult but it's cool. I'm about to take a HOT shower and stretch before bed. 😜

Also, good news/bad news... I'm running out of pain medicine. I'm still in pain but narcotics have never been apart of the longer term solution. Also, I scheduled my procedure to diagnose the interstitial cytosis (painful bladder syndrome) for next Wednesday. 

It's been a long and difficult road since falling ill but God has held me close the whole time and for that, I'm grateful. 

I'm so close to being 100% and that's amazing. 

04072016

I have so much to blog about. That's why I don't--- because I don't know where to begin. I don't know what is appropriate to post. I don't have a lot of time to myself either. So, it's weird. 

Anyways, I'm just going to start wherever and yeah... Go from there. 

Life is pretty amazing. God has really blessed me. Even with my health battles, God is amazing. Just for Who He is. 

Wednesday night, my family (maternal side) held its first family prayer call--- it's the closest thing that we've even had to a family reunion. We all got on a conference call, shared prayers, scriptures, readings and prayer requests. I loved it. My mother organized it and I made sure we had the conference call line. She said it's been on her heart for 20 years. It's crazy how God works because for the past several years, it's been on my heart for my immediate family to have prayer together at least once a week. And we pray together practically every night. 

I see God doing major things with my family... including healing and restoring our fractured family. So my personal prayer is that the Holy Spirit take control and God put a hedge of protection around us as we come together as a family to do His will.