05102016

I've been functioning... barely... with medications. I mean, I get by. But I'm just not where I thought I would be with medication. 

So, I'm done taking the medicine. It sucks. But I pray that it'll help me long term. 

I knew that seeing a pain specialist wasn't a long term solution. 

Eh. I'm just frustrated. 

04282016

So, I've been slacking or I've been super hard on myself. Maybe both. 

I have more good days than I do bad days... Way more good days. 

I have a natural, God-given talent, the resources and a support system. My health has been somewhat holding me back but in the more recent times, it's been a lot better as well. 

I want to start my career as an educator this upcoming school year. I also plan on launching my business and non profit this year. 

Eeek... I'm also a Sunday School teacher now. I co-teach 9th grade girls. Yay Brie! 

04102016

God is faithful. Very faithful. 

Depression is real. 

I've been fighting it for years but it was in remission for a while.

Then it turned seasonal. Winter became very hard. 

After I graduated, I thought things would get better BUT I'm still battling. 

I know that I need to see a therapist or seek counseling or something BUT I'm so depressed on the dates that I make the appointments, so I end up skipping them. 

That's not good. 

I need help. Not help seeking help BUT I'm overwhelmed and I still need care myself. 

It gets frustrating and a little discouraging because I have to help take care of my mommy. I love her and consider it an honor to do so, but I am on the tail end of my recovery and could still use help myself. But, I am kind of on my own when it comes to my health. 

I just need help. I'm trying to figure out how to get to my different doctor's appointments and procedures. My dad used to take me but now, he is busy taking my mommy. 

Eh. What to do? What to do? 

I pray. God will help me to endure. 

It's like I can I do most things but I just need help still. I move slow. Like, I would like to go grocery shopping but I can't drive and shop and put the food away and then help my mom. 

You see? 

Well, on the bright side, I get my hair braided on Tuesday and that'll help me with saving energy. And today I purchased another Buffy Body Butter Bar from Lush Cosmetics. That's a Godsend right there because that way I don't have to put on lotion after my shower. Lol. I will explain more another day. 

04092016

Keep a servant's heart...

Today was a little difficult for me.

Depression comes and goes in waves.

I feel alone.

I know that I'm not.

It is tiring being my mother's "part time" caregiver but still feeling like I need care myself.

04082016

Today was kind of difficult but God is good. 

I have to keep that in mind. The mission. To praise God. To honor Him. 

I started stretching about a week ago and recently my body has been hurting so much. The stretches aren't even that intense- practically baby stretches- but my body isn't used to it. So, most of my joints are inflamed now. But I'm going to keep stretching. And keep trying to better myself. Because I need to take care of this temple to do my Father's work. 

So yeah, today was difficult but it's cool. I'm about to take a HOT shower and stretch before bed. 😜

Also, good news/bad news... I'm running out of pain medicine. I'm still in pain but narcotics have never been apart of the longer term solution. Also, I scheduled my procedure to diagnose the interstitial cytosis (painful bladder syndrome) for next Wednesday. 

It's been a long and difficult road since falling ill but God has held me close the whole time and for that, I'm grateful. 

I'm so close to being 100% and that's amazing. 

04072016

I have so much to blog about. That's why I don't--- because I don't know where to begin. I don't know what is appropriate to post. I don't have a lot of time to myself either. So, it's weird. 

Anyways, I'm just going to start wherever and yeah... Go from there. 

Life is pretty amazing. God has really blessed me. Even with my health battles, God is amazing. Just for Who He is. 

Wednesday night, my family (maternal side) held its first family prayer call--- it's the closest thing that we've even had to a family reunion. We all got on a conference call, shared prayers, scriptures, readings and prayer requests. I loved it. My mother organized it and I made sure we had the conference call line. She said it's been on her heart for 20 years. It's crazy how God works because for the past several years, it's been on my heart for my immediate family to have prayer together at least once a week. And we pray together practically every night. 

I see God doing major things with my family... including healing and restoring our fractured family. So my personal prayer is that the Holy Spirit take control and God put a hedge of protection around us as we come together as a family to do His will. 

03.05.2016

I'm so grateful for my best friends. They get it. They cover me in prayer. They shake common sense into my head. They spend time with me. 

I've been blessed. 

This was a hard week for me. Let me start by saying that it was emotionally draining. 

My ex popped up and I'm having to really spend time with God and stay busy in order to get him out of my head. 

I have to remember my worth. I have to remember that I'm the daughter of The Most High King. Y'all, it's difficult. It's tough. But I know that God doesn't want me to settle for someone who isn't submitted to Him. I went through a lot with this man and he didn't value me... at all. He still doesn't. His mouth says one thing and actions say another. 

But it isn't his fault because I entertained it. I get caught up in fantasyland. At first point of communication (after not talking for about FIVE years), I've already started planning my life with him and he just wants to grab dinner. Lol. Ladies, why do we do that? 

So, this week, I've been diving into the Word of God, seeking Him, spending time with friends and family, crocheting and journaling. I can't let these temporary emotions mess with me. 

Pray for me. 💋

02.29.2016

Y'all...

God is good.

Just a *quick* update on my life:

I graduated from UGA.  Praise God!  Y'all, that was a journey... Seriously though... I started college Thursday, August 16th 2007 and finished Thursday, December 3rd 2015.  Graduation was December 18th but I didn't attend.  Le Sigh.  Long story there.

Anyways, it feels good to just be done!  It is a huge stressor off of my life.  Now, the job search begins... Meh.  lol.  No, I'm seriously excited to enter into a classroom as an educator and not a pupil. Because child boo...

No, I seriously want to pour love and education into the youth.  I have a few hurdles to jump over in order to teach but God has orchestrated things thus far, so I have faith that He will do the same.  I always end up where He wants me.

I graduated... but without certification to teach. Yikes!  Right?  But no, I believe that God will open up the correct door for me.  He knows my desires and I believe they align with His will for my life and His Kingdom... and if my desires don't align with His will, then I don't want to desire them anymore.

But it's the 29th... of February... Leap Year.

I like to make MAJOR decisions on Leap Day! This year, it's no different.  Starting tomorrow, March 1st, Brittanie-Claire will be changing up some things for the next FOUR YEARS. Eh.  Commitment issues.  FOUR YEARS?  But yeah, it's all for the good.  I'll elaborate on these plans over the next month or so...

Also, I feel DONE with Social Media... i.e. my Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram.  It's just too much. I've met some amazing people on social media, I've reconnected with old friends and kept in touch with people who I probably would have never kept in contact with BUT... that time is over.  We shall see...

I'm on a Social Media fast with my bestie until April 1st anyways...  So, after that, I might not even log back on.

Anyways, it's time to really go update my resume and have my quiet time.

Smooches!

Brittanie-Claire