05062020

I don’t have time to go back and fill you in. Life hit. And it hit hard. I’m blessed. I think over time, with my consistent writing and your consistent reading, we will bridge the gap of what was missed in my life.

I’m here to share the good, the bad and the ugly with y’all, in hope that it will bring me peace and allow me to grow.

I’m 30 now. I’ve been teaching high school for FOUR years. Whew. This last year was rough though. I was so used to the hospitality and community vibe of my first school that this school hurt my soul. So here we are... I don’t like my current situation but I can’t go back to my old one. I want to pursue a graduate degree but... no, stop stopping yourself. Do you ever self sabotage?

My biggest obstacle is my health. I’m still a diabetic but I’ve lost weight since I had my tumor removed.

That’s me. Right before my surgery for Cushing’s Disease. Ya girl look good now. Those days were hard. I would look into the mirror trying to figure out who that girl was and what happened to Brie. My clothes didn’t fit. My hair was falling out. My stomach was huge (like I couldn’t wear pants because my legs were skinny and stomach huge). I always felt sick. I used to wake up and look back at my bed because I thought I had finally died. I don’t have many pictures from that time because I hated to see myself that way. My dad and I would go walking everyday. I would eat very healthy. My mother would be constantly nagging about my weight. I felt like my sister didn’t want to hang because I was a burden. I was so alone. But I found some amazing people along the way. And I still had my family.

I still take a lot of medicine. I’m nervous to taper off of Oxycodone. I have to take it every few hours or I get sick. I wear an insulin pump. I take hydrocortisone because my body doesn’t produce and cortisol. I get anxious and sometimes have to take Valium (rarely). I take Farxiga for my blood sugar. I take a Stelara injection for Crohn’s Disease.

I try the healthy stuff as well. I take two tablespoons of sea moss gel. I take one teaspoon of Manuka honey. I take apple cider vinegar. And I’ve eliminated dairy. I started all of this natural stuff during the COVID-19 outbreak. I’ll keep everyone posted on how the increase of natural medicine does for me. I pray it works. My goal is that by my 31st birthday I’ll be off of the Oxycodone, Farxiga/Insulin and Valium.

That’s what I’ll be coming up with... a plan. A plan to get off of this stuff.

Love y’all. Mean it.

07202019

🎵It’s been a long time, I shouldn’t have left you...🎵

I’ll be thirty this August. Crazy, right? I have a lot of emotions about this. Because I’m turning 30 and moving back home. I’m not where I want to be in life. I’m not healthy. I think that’s what bothers me the most.

As some of you know and some of you all will find out, I have a few illnesses that suck. Let’s start with the first one I was diagnosed with- Crohn’s Disease. The last one- Cushing’s Disease. 

05102016

I've been functioning... barely... with medications. I mean, I get by. But I'm just not where I thought I would be with medication. 

So, I'm done taking the medicine. It sucks. But I pray that it'll help me long term. 

I knew that seeing a pain specialist wasn't a long term solution. 

Eh. I'm just frustrated. 

04282016

So, I've been slacking or I've been super hard on myself. Maybe both. 

I have more good days than I do bad days... Way more good days. 

I have a natural, God-given talent, the resources and a support system. My health has been somewhat holding me back but in the more recent times, it's been a lot better as well. 

I want to start my career as an educator this upcoming school year. I also plan on launching my business and non profit this year. 

Eeek... I'm also a Sunday School teacher now. I co-teach 9th grade girls. Yay Brie! 

04102016

God is faithful. Very faithful. 

Depression is real. 

I've been fighting it for years but it was in remission for a while.

Then it turned seasonal. Winter became very hard. 

After I graduated, I thought things would get better BUT I'm still battling. 

I know that I need to see a therapist or seek counseling or something BUT I'm so depressed on the dates that I make the appointments, so I end up skipping them. 

That's not good. 

I need help. Not help seeking help BUT I'm overwhelmed and I still need care myself. 

It gets frustrating and a little discouraging because I have to help take care of my mommy. I love her and consider it an honor to do so, but I am on the tail end of my recovery and could still use help myself. But, I am kind of on my own when it comes to my health. 

I just need help. I'm trying to figure out how to get to my different doctor's appointments and procedures. My dad used to take me but now, he is busy taking my mommy. 

Eh. What to do? What to do? 

I pray. God will help me to endure. 

It's like I can I do most things but I just need help still. I move slow. Like, I would like to go grocery shopping but I can't drive and shop and put the food away and then help my mom. 

You see? 

Well, on the bright side, I get my hair braided on Tuesday and that'll help me with saving energy. And today I purchased another Buffy Body Butter Bar from Lush Cosmetics. That's a Godsend right there because that way I don't have to put on lotion after my shower. Lol. I will explain more another day. 

04092016

Keep a servant's heart...

Today was a little difficult for me.

Depression comes and goes in waves.

I feel alone.

I know that I'm not.

It is tiring being my mother's "part time" caregiver but still feeling like I need care myself.

04082016

Today was kind of difficult but God is good. 

I have to keep that in mind. The mission. To praise God. To honor Him. 

I started stretching about a week ago and recently my body has been hurting so much. The stretches aren't even that intense- practically baby stretches- but my body isn't used to it. So, most of my joints are inflamed now. But I'm going to keep stretching. And keep trying to better myself. Because I need to take care of this temple to do my Father's work. 

So yeah, today was difficult but it's cool. I'm about to take a HOT shower and stretch before bed. 😜

Also, good news/bad news... I'm running out of pain medicine. I'm still in pain but narcotics have never been apart of the longer term solution. Also, I scheduled my procedure to diagnose the interstitial cytosis (painful bladder syndrome) for next Wednesday. 

It's been a long and difficult road since falling ill but God has held me close the whole time and for that, I'm grateful. 

I'm so close to being 100% and that's amazing.